Fasting

In the church calender is the season of lent, which means that uve got to give up something for 40days if u want. Normally i dont do anything like dont give up or abstain from anything but this year i am. Its said that if u give up something for yourself so that someone else will gain its a good thing. This year im giving up meat and fasting for 40days. Which means, i wont eat meat for 40days and i wont have more than 1 meal a day for 40days. Im doing this for someone else to gain. Just willing to see wether ill be able to really keep to my vow. So far since wednesday, the start of it all ive been doing good. Just got till 6 April. I dont see it as a burden or dont mind that its kind of long. Good to test how determined i am and how long i can keep up to my word. You never know, good things mite happen for me aswell.

Sleep Disorder

Have been having irregular sleeping times, or dont sleep at all. Two days didnt sleep, just tossed and turned and tossed and turned. Tried to tire myself out by playing games or watching tv so that my eyes would be tired, but didnt work. Got off my bed and walked around the house like nearly ten times in the middle of the night. Switched on and off my television set too many times. Scrolled through all the chanels. Theres nothing nice on nowdays. So just watched my dvds over and over again.

Yest was worse, tossed and turned in bed till 6.30am. Haiz. Going to see someone about this. Oh yeah my meals have been cut down to 1 meal a day. Can barely eat more than that. Dont snack as much. Chocs and Chips and Cookies dont appeal to me anymore, so does rice or noodles. Had enough of that stuff. So yeah. Trying to slep but its 3.30 and im still awake..isnt it a wonder why.Soon this problem will be solved

Take Care. Please

Read the newpaper just now, and the headline was about a guy who went missing while wanting to learn how to dive. This is for my bestfriend(you know who you are).Please, please,please take care of yourself. Havent really heard or seen you, but the last i remember that you wanted to learn diving and that you were quite keen on in. Being very sporty and outdoor from what i know you're sure to take up courses.Dont know if you've started them though. If you did. Please take good care of yourself,make sure you have a good partner with you and make sure you learn everything properly.Double check if you need with the instructor. Be careful.Very careful.
Its a dangerous and diffrent hobbie, but fun aswell. But still.
I cant afford to lose you as a friend. Take care of yourself when your out there. Will be praying for your well being like always.

Happy Chinese New Year

It hurts when you know that there is a person out there who silently cares for you. I mean it in a good way.Haiz chinese new year this year has been down rite boring for me.Boring and lonely. 5days holiday but ive got at least 9. On somedays it was really very boring. Same monotonous life over. Struggle to sleep wake up laze ard struggle to sleep wake up laze ard. I havent been out to like the town area or anywhere in the day. Havent seen or walked down the shops or bought any new clothes. Don't enjoy going out as much, would rather stay at home and sleep or watch dvds, or korean drama serials or other nice series shows. Been spending lots of time in my room lately. Reading.writing, sleeping of course. Keep thinking of redoing my whole room. Maybe in march. Once everyone leaves for taiwan(i want to go to, asked them to bring me along but they havent told me yet) need to get out of this shit hole of a country. There isnt anything to do.Drinking,Clubbing,Movies,Slacking. Im bored of that. All of it. Told my frens that as long as their clubbing dont call me. Im out.Waste of time and money. Ive got a plan, and i know what i'm going to do. No one knows except me. Just that with all the problems kind of hard to succeed. There's kind of alot of stuff that im just putting on hold to do. Waiting for the right time. Soon,hopefully i can get everything done. Its a good distractuion though. Rather than always feeling the same thing day in day out. Been months and still screwed up as usual.

Painful

Woke up today kind of in a good mood, thought i could finally go rollerblading after so long, plus its the holidays and have a long weekend but couldnt go in the end.Couldnt go because i could barely get out of bed, couldnt even stand. My hernia was hurting to a point that when i stand i had to immediately sit. So that was canceled. And i doubt im going tmr also.Had to lie in bed for nearly an hour before i could actually walk with less pain in me. Didnt tell anyone at home about it, because didnt really want them to worry so much knowing they will panic. Eventually was better but had to take 3 diffrent kind of pain killers, which still didnt stop the pain completly. Sometimes i wonder, what was it i did that i have to be in so much pain, I didnt or rather havent been doing anything wrong the past few days. Havent seen that much of the friends, dont say much to them, so how can i wrong do anybody. Or is it like a plan that im suppose to suffer now and then the later years of my life ill be having a good one. Well lets just see how things work out. Just looks like ill be having to take those pills all over again. Ill know if i forget to take them, the pain will be unbearable. And me being a hero and all wont show it, but will just take it.

Break, Breakdown

Had a bad emotional nite yest. Came home and watched some shows online after that while lying on my bed it hit me bad. Was just lying there suddenly everything came rushing at a go. It was about 3.30am in the morning and this was so called one of the worst nites ive had for the past few months. You know the feeling when you have to let go of something or leave something, this was worst. Very Very painful. Dont ask me why it was yest i dont know as well, but it was very very painful. I needed to just talk to someone or needed a listening ear, but for the first time, when i i picked up my phone i had no one to call. No one that i was sure will pick up the phone and keep me company for that short while or to give me some advice that i need. Eventually i just lay in bed and handled it by myself tossing and turning till i eventually fell asleep at around 6am. Woke up today with puffy eyes and kind of red. Lucky nobody noticed. Chest kind of hurting after last nite, couldnt really breath that well kept coughing non stop. The eyes are actually hurting more, cant stop rubbing. Thankfully last nite was over. I hope it doesnt happen again. It hasn't happened for a long time and its kind of akward that it happened again yest. I hope today will be a better day

Untitled

Its funny, i can go through the whole day thoughtless. Not a single thought on my mind. When i try to think of something, it always leads back to that 1 thing. I dont know how it is that i can wake up day after day with the same feeling in me. The same feeling that you dont want to feel but yet you cant help yourself from feeling it. Try as i might to get the feeling out of me, its hard but not impossible. Just takes longer than usual.

I wake up at home and barely talk. My conversations are always "Ah" "Erm" "Ok". Its not that i dont want to talk. Im trying my best to talk about something, but ive got nothing. Me of all people have barely nothing to speak to people about nowdays. I would rather stay home and watch tv or sleep than go out and stay out the late nights. Its happened for the past two weekends, trying to make it a regular thing. This way i get to save $$$ and live a healthy lifestyle. Can leave the mornings for my exersice or my walks or going to that happy place to read my book.

Life will be alot more simpler that way, not many complications, nothing much to worry about or rather to take your mind of what your worrying about. Everyone has problems. Its just how they face it.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads.
Afraid.Confused.Without a roadmap.
The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.
Of course when face with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn back.
But once in a while people push on to something better.
Something beoynd the pain of goin it alone.
And just beyond the bravery and courage that it takes to let someone in.
Or to give someone a second chance.
Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream.
Because its only when your tested that you truly discover who you are.
And its only when your tested that you discover who you can be.
The person you want to be does exist.
Somewhere on the other side of hardwork,faith,belief.
From beoynd heartache and fear what lies ahead.