Someone To Talk to.. Where am i heading in life?

I've had the idea that i wanted to be a chef and open a restaurant but i dont think thats what i want to do anymore. Maybe i keep telling myself that i want to do that so i kind of think that i want that to happen. Actually I dont know what i want to be in life. I dont know what i want to do, what i have in store for me in life. I havent cooked anything for a very long time. Its like i dont have the passion to cook. I mean i used to be able to cook just out of the blue make something or want to cook something, but now i dont do that anymore. And even if you asked me to cook, i doubt it will be good. I have intrest in many diffrent things just yet to figure out what i really want to do. Kind of sad and worrying, 20 years old and still dont know what you want to do with your life. Only blame myself though. If i studied harder when i was in pri and sec school i would roughly know what i want to do.

Been on MC the past few days because of my injury and sad to say i feel lonelier than in camp.I mean in camp i dont have that many frens and dont talk to people that much but at home on MC, its not much of a diff. I sleep i wake up and i use the computer. Not everyone is always available to chat or meet up for coffee. When you call a number of your friends and they all arent free, then you know that the day you wont meet anybody. Nowdays i spent lots of my time at bookstores, reading on books that intrest me, and going for quiet walkes. You know sometimes you just want to call someone and talk to and tell them whats on your mind whats bothering you and like just talk.Well, havent had like anyone to do that to. At first i called people. Diffrent people but no one answered the phone or didnt have time. Then i just stop calling. Just keep it to myself and just keep it inside of me. Ive learnt to spend time alone and be alone.Maybe too much that sometimes i dont want to be around people even if they are my frens. I do have alot of anger and other emotions inside me that i cant let out, or rather i choose not to let out. Oh well. Its nice to have someone to talk to, but if you dont its ok, learnt to cope with what you've got. Dont be surprise by my lack of communication nowdays.

More Than Anyone

You need a friend
I'll be around
Don't let this end
Before I see you again
What can I say to convince you
To change your mind of me?

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Look in my eyes, what do you see?
Not just the color
Look inside of me
Tell me all you need and I will try
I will try

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Free for you, whenever you need
We'll be free together, baby
Free together, baby

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Bad News

So i went for my medical appointment today just hoping to get everything solved and hopefully a status slip which i can produce to excuse me from physical training in camp because of the pain ive been having over the past few months. I got news that i didnt really want to hear. Was talking to the doctor and explaining to him about what has been going on, he was very friendly and paid lots of attention to my case, he was able to answer all my questions. Then the senior doctor came and told me that the pain has been caused because a nerve has been reacting wrongly after the stitch during the operation. So she said that she was going to inject something into the bone under the operation wound. While examining me just before the injection, she told me to relax and not be so tense and as usual i reacted like how i usually do. I got giddy and close to passing out but i controlled myself and felt like puking but had to control all this. After the jab the pain felt a little better, but i still felt as giddy and felt that same feeling, so i sat in the hospital for about half an hour before i could bring myself to walk home. It seems i have to go back in 2 weeks to get another jab. From then on im not sure if i have to keep on getting jabs regularly.

So at night my had some overseas guest in town, so they wanted to bring them to lau pa sat to eat. The plan was to walk down to maxwell market from my house and then take a cab dwn once we meet my aunt. I could barely make it to maxwell which is down slope and like just less than 10mins walk. I had to ask my mum and dad to stop and take a cab. Came home and now while using the computer keep getting the sharp pains. Cant walk with that much ease. Cant walk around too much will hurt. The area around the wound is swalloen aswell. Back on all the medications and pain killers again. Haiz, hope 1 day ill be able to be as fit as i was before and hopefully the pain will eventually go away.

When life comes rushing at you from out of darkness,
Who would you choose to face it with.
Will it be someone you trust
Will they be wise
And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light.
Or will they lose their way in the darkness
Will they make noble choices
Or will that person be someone untested,
Someone new.
Life comes rushing at us from out of the darkness
When it does, is there someone in your life that you can count on
Someone who will watch over you when you stumble and fall.
And in that moment,give you the strength to face your fears alone.

Try to Sleep Now

Went for bbq 21st bday party just now. Helped out with getting the fire started and helped cooked the food though i couldnt eat them. Sat around talking to friends havent seen for a long time. Was good catching up with them and seeing how their doing. Seems that most people have a plan in life. Thats good to see.Eventually came back around 2+am. Was kind of tired but as usual couldnt sleep. Walked up and down and up and down, switched the tv on and off so many times. Eventually stayed up watching soccer hoping that i would fall asleep but to no avail. Was up all the way till 6.45am. That was when i eventually got tired and lay on my bed for a while. Slept for barely an hr and was up again. I think i have to tire my body out completly 1 day. Then ill be able to completly sleep with peace. Have yet to have an undisturbed sleep for months.

Have you ever wondered what marks our timing,
If one life can really make an impact on the world
Or if the choices we make matter
Sometimes in order to move forward,you have to go back.
In this case, just a few minutes

JB

Finally after so so long i managed to get out of the country even if it was jb. Felt good just to get out of the country. Not many of us went down this time, only 4 compared to 7 the last time round. Travelling was easy just 1 cab. Didnt really manage to get that many dvds this time round, this because all the shops were raided during the chinese new year period. Still was able to buy quite abit, although i came prepared with a whole list of 30+dvds. Manage to buy dunkin' donuts home aswell. Once again we got checked at the checkpoint even though we all looked quite decent. Maybe its me. I was sitting infront thats why. They checked me like i was some kind of criminal opened my wallet and checked all the compartments and made me throw away my gum. Spent like 3mins destoying of it. Maybe its just random protocol. But then again maybe they know that we frequent the place. Anyways was good to do something diffrent and get away from here. Cant wait for my dvds to be sent over.

Nothing to Say

So i havent been really myself lately.As in havent been really the person i want to be, always quiet and revered.At times try to hard to make happy.When you do that, you actually remind yourself of how unhappy you are. Have been doing some thinking lately and been searching up alot on diffrent types of stuff. A lot of stuff interest me nowdays, just searching to see what really im intrested in. So im not going to taiwan after much asking. Im staying in this shit hole of singapore at least i can work an make some extra cash. Speaking of which, ive yet to buy myself any thing new since ive had the extra cash. Maybe next month. Army is still the same thing. Same shit diff day, doesnt get any better though. Fasting has been good, didnt succumb to any temptations and havent eaten meat and more than 1 meal for about 2 weeks now.4 more weeks to go and im done. Well nothing much really to say or talk about. Have thoughts on my mind, but always not at the computer when i want to pend them down. Lucky ive got my organiser.Going to try and sleep now. Not that tired though.

There comes a time when every life goes off course,

in this desperate moment, who will you be?

Will you let down your defrences and find solace in someone less expected

Will you reach out

Will you face your greatest fears bravely and move forward with faith

Or will you succumb to the darkness of your soul

Feburary

Feburary is over, short and not so sweet. Time passes quickly nowdays. If there's one thing that we cant get back, is time. Oh well feburary has been relatively ok. Nothing much happened that i should go crazy about. Just the same old same old. Like i said life is monotonous, every month passes by and every month is the same fucking old thing. Dont have anything exciting to be happy about. So how was february for the rest of you guys. To me its just another month passing going for peoples bdays showing up trying to make the most of it. Now march is here, another long month ahead.Cant wait to get over and done with. Overall i can say feburary was quite bad for me. Didnt really have that many happy days, plus had that many days that i didnt want around. Hopefully march will be better. To all the feburary babies, once again Happy Birthday. Hope you enjoyed yourselves.

Feburary Babies : Mark,Kenneth,Liwen,Manu,Mel(huiling) and Dino.