Happy Birthday Perry!!

Monday 29th Jan..Perry's actual bday. The plan according to perry was to head down to st james for a quiet nite of drinks,well one thing lead to another and perry is gone...by gone i mean dead beat..he is sleeping now...haha...im in his hall now, send him to his hall had to make sure that he didnt puke all over the taxi...luckily enough, he had a plastic bag, back at the hall...he went to disturb his friends and they knew he was high, haha, oh well he puked again in the toilet while showering and after showering..he is sleeping like a baby on his bed..im just passing time till i can go back to camp...

once again from all of us

Happy Birthday Perry... We love you!!! enjoy your hangover tmr..haha..

Happiness

Happiness is something u choose in advance. It depends on how u want to see it.

Simple guidlines to Happiness

Free your heart from hate.

Free your mind from worry

Live simply

Give more

Expect less

Something i should start to try doing more.

What Kind Of Son Am I?

My mum has been wanting to buy a new pair of track shoes for quite some time now, with the situation at home i told her that ill use my army credit to buy for her because that way its free need not pay. She checked her size and told me. She kept reminding me to buy it. On thurs i was busy in camp but still that shouldnt be an excuse not to have bought the shoes. I could have bought it even though i was very busy. If it was say one of my friends who asked or even a girl who i like that had asked me to buy, i know i definetly would have got it. Sigh. Came home on saturday morning and saw the shoes there.Thats when i felt like shit, felt like why didnt i get it for her. There is no excuse because had it been somone else i mite had gotten it. Today i can say, i am a lousy son. Have been for a long time.

Family Matters

I realised over the weekend that im not as close to my family or rather not close at all. I dont talk much to any of them, at the most is just where and what im doing thats all. Kinda sad though, used to be damn close to my sister brother aunty uncle grandma mom and dad.No more joking with my dad, lying on my sis bed and talking to her,watching my mum cook,grandma feeding me her famous cooking,talking nonsese with my uncle and shopping with my aunt.

Use to do all this stuff with them...What happened? On sat when i went to church with my grandma and sis. I barely talked to them..my sis and grandma was talking so much and laughing and joking. At my aunts hse i just realised that instead of spending time with them, i was using the computer all the time.I use to go out with my brother so often doing stuff and playing and joking around, now i seldom see him.At home - what am i talking about when im at home its either im in my room sleeping, at the com, or im never at home.

Maybe its time i started spending some quality time with all these people. Always get angry with them when they tell me whats good for me and ended up quarreling. Time to try to help things get back to how they used to be.

Wasted A Saturday

I cant believe i had nothing to do and nowhere to go on a Saturday!!!I thought i was the only one who had nothing to do but it seem that alot of people couldnt make up their mind on what to do and where to go so, ended up doing nothing.

I came home from camp at about 11am.Training was alrite nothing that i couldnt take only that my back and hernia aches, back when i did the pull up and hernia after i ran. Reached home and no one was at home so i thought ill take a short nap but ended waking up only at 2.30pm. Went for novena mass and coffee with my aunty and sister, after that headed down to my aunt's place to kill time. Started making plans and asking people to go out but all were unsure, most of them didnt answer their phone..Eventually when plans were made, lots of them backed out because they had a wonderful friday and they are tired. Ended up sitting around my aunts place and eventually went out with some frens whom i didnt really want to join but joined them because ermm maybe i didnt want to feel like i wasted a saturday.

Headed down to town for some drinks..didnt drink though, entertained myself with card games, finally when the rest responded which was around 2am went over to lido to meet them, guess what.. they had no plans at all..haha...nearly all had no plans. Sat at lido macs til about3.30am after that headed home.

Still can consider the day wasted..So next time will learn from the mistake and plan in advance, so not to waste another weekend.

TGIF?Maybe Not

Friday!! Hmm.. Started training again today. Couldnt book out actually but i made an illegal book out and went for Shane's 21st birthday, as usual the birthday boy is drunk before 12, or rather before he cant cut his cake..haha..this time josh didnt do anything so we got to give him some credit. Went down to stjames afterwords for Perry's birthday. Kind of getting bored of the place already, maybe its because we always go to the same place. Was kind of boring on that day. Didnt do much. Didnt drink much,crowd and music wasnt fantastic either.Bryan as usual took his opportunity and drank to his hearts contents because talia wasnt around. Had to bring him for supper to sober him up before could actually send him back and then made my way to camp, after all my bookout was illegal..reach camp at 5.30am and slept only at 6am after washing up. Had to be in camp because had training on satday at 7.30am. So wasnt really much of an eventful friday.

Racist World

Its a fact. We live in a world full or racsim. Everywhere,Everyday,Every country and every person is a racist. Think about it. I was in a room where the majority of the people are chinese, there are a few malays and a few indians, but still the majority is chinese. The tv is on and its on the enlgish chanel. Not everyone is watching but there are people who are watching and yet doing other stuff. This guy comes in and suddenly changes the chaned to a chinese chanel. What a selfish act. He didnt even think about the other 2 races. What were they suppose to do now, sit there and read the subtitles on the tv screen or worst still if there isnt any subtitles, just sit there out of boredom. And if they happen to watch the show and happen to understand and laugh at something, the chinese guys would turn and give him a look as if " why you laughing when you dont understand the language" Why couldnt the guy at least ask before switching the chanels or ask if the others doesnt mind that he is changing to a non english chanel.

Not only in our country, all over the world. If an american goes to Saudi Arabia or Pakistan or Iran on any middle eastern country, they will get the same treatment. Eyes will be on them. People will be watching their every move or trying to intimidate them by looking at them. Just because they are foreigners they get this treatment. In Australia, I heard that some asians arent treated well they are looked down by the Australians and some times geting provoked by them.

In America. Its the Blacks, Whites, Latin Americans, Asian Americans they got their on war going on. As long as your from one of the ethnic group you stick with them.Very rarely do you see those of diffrent races hanging around with those from others. And if they do, they will get distrurbed by their friends. For instance, if a white kid and a black kind hung out. One day sooner or later either the black kids black frens or the white kids white frens will start to talk. Its just the way things are.

Right here in Singapore. Among the younger generation there isnt much of racism. You see indians,malays,chinese,sikhs,caucassions, all kinds of races hanging out together. And some are really good friends. And when they get disturbed by their friend by some racial joke its alright because thats how close they are. You see racism more amongst the older generation. The adults here, if they see an indian guy with a chinese girl, or the other way round they stare like its very wrong, or even a malay with a causassion, they make it seem as if its so wrong, Why are people so narrow minded. Why cant they open their eyes and see that the world is changing. That only they are the ones who can stop racism but they are not doing it.

I wont lie, I myself have at times been racist and im at fault. But then the fact is nothing will change.There will always be raicsm in the world. People can have no fault at all and they will be constantly attacked with racist remarks. The youth today are doing good, its the adults that are not.

I hope one day, there will be and end to racism

Choices

Did research this whole week..searching for diff schls and stuff so that i can start my studies asap..Found a few schls on both counselling and cooking..Of course my major intrest is cooking but if i could do counselling as well it will be a big bonus to me. Talked to a few friends who were classmates who did the course and had good feedback, but havent really heard any good feedback from the people that i want to hear it from..as in my close frens or family memebers. Non really supportive and non willing to help me go further into checking out more stuff..obviously there are stuff and questions that i didnt ask, scared that ill once again choose the wrong path.. Im eager to start my studies and get on with life. At least then ive got something to do and something to keep me company. I dont want to haev nothing on me when i come out of the army..At least a diploma cert or something..Sigh...There are many times i think about doing things and wether its all worth it.. Where do i pick up from here? What do i do? Lots of stuff but no one to talk to..I tot having a blog ill be able to express what i feel and so much more..i am able to do that..but the only bad thing is.. i dont get replies from my questions..Time is not on my side...everyday i feel like im wasting time...Aarrghhhh f**k.. im so irritated with myself...got so much problems and things going through my head that i keep running away from..and most of the time im angry....always angry and moody nowdays..no patience for stuff...making stupid choices and making big mistakes....Is shit feeling waking up and always feeling like shit... things got to change soon..

Broke Again

Payed off some of my debts and now once again im broke. I don't know how this keeps happening..I dont spend on myself i dont eat out much i barely club and drink.but still im broke..Maybe for the month of feburary ill try to stay home more often. I mean whatever i do i can always do during another month rite so yeah..will try that out..or if i have to ill just have to stay in camp more often so that i dont spend my money when im out..Like i said..what if there is an emergency and i need to rush down to somewhere how am i going to get there if i have no $$ on me..so yeah..maybe its time to start saving..I can do without going out..ive got movies online and tc and dvds to keep me company..Hate the feeling of having no money..its time to get back to working on the weekends again..amke that extra 100- 200 bucks..at least then time will pass fastr

Sunday Funday

Wow!! I woke up and its already 3.30pm.Had another very good sleep. Sadly nowdays all the time i have good sleeps is on weekends. When im suppose to be out having the time of my life. But oh well at least i manage to rest properly.Getting quite a bit of pimples and looking damn fucking fat...guess that im putting on weight like nobody's business..maybe i should stop eating all those fried and fast food..but then again..i dont really eat those stuff...so i wonder what isit that makes me put on so much weight...lucky i exercise...will start exercising in camp nowdays..help to shred the extra fat..bought some cereal and milk to camp and digestive biscuits and oats. Starting to live healthy once again..Get to bed early and have enough sleep.. doing all that stuff... i dont drink as much now..thats a good thing also..played soccer just now but had to stop both the hernia and the back was paining again..I just cant wait to have the operation to get it over and done with..it keeps hurting so bad..i rather suffer in the operation for a few days then have it hurt everyday... I finally got more pics of me and my friends ill upload it when im free..

Feeling Pain Again.

I went rollerblading again this morning after having a good sleep last nite. Once again i was struggling to blade for some apparent reason. My back pains and my hernia pains were back again. Don't know why i still wanted to continue blading? Oh well at least i managed to make it to the hawker centre and back 2 times. Thats a good achievement considering the back aches i was having. Maybe its because the size of blades i wore were too big for me, or maybe im not fully cured yet and overexerting my body everytime. Oh did i mention that right after blading once i got on the bus, it started to rain.Damn im lucky..heh..I came home and had a nice cold shower and K.O ed on my bed after that. Woke up only at 5+pm and it was just in time to get ready to go for mass. Now is after mass..haha..im back home on the computer waiting for plans again.As usual if there are no plans ill be at home once again. Lucky they are showing liverpool vs chelsea tonight. At least there's something good on a satday for once..The main problem for me is all the pains in my body that hurts badly, trying to find out whats causing it so that i can continue exercising properly once again..

TGIF

Thank god is friday. This means that my storeman course is over and i dont have to listen to any more lectures. So i made new frens at the course all quite fun and sociable. The course ended early today, about 3.15. Was suppose to wait to be released but was to tired so i just left and made my way home. Dont know how come but during the course days im so tired. Maybe its because i wake up early and dont get to sleep that much. Oh well so its friday..kind of waiting for plans to be made. No plans are made as of yet. I think ill take a nap and when plans arrive then ill see wether ill go out or not. If not i get to catch up on some sleep or at least i get to watch movies online( there's this site which lets u watch free movies, u need not download them). To all the rest of you who have plans for tonight. I hope you enjoy yourself :) Have a good weekend

MC!!!!

I'm on mc tdy..Needed to get out of the house yest, so i when down to st james for a drink.. Wasnt in the best of moods. I dont know why..but no matter how i try to make myself happy, im never in the best of moods nowdays. I slept the whole of today till 6.30pm was damn tired and yet after waking up, i still feel like shit. Some how i need this feeling to go away. So my course ends tmr and finally its the end of the week as usual i have no plans yet all is just last minute or no plans at all. Most prob ill stay home. Why is it that in life somehow or another nt everyone is at peace with themselves or happy with something. I used to be the happiest person around, i used to be always going to diffrent places and doing diffrent stupid stuff with people,always entertaining and pleasing everyone. Now, its the total opposite. Anyways its good that i have my mc i really needed the rest. Not much to write about nowdays, nothing exciting happening in my life and not much free time to think about stuff this week. So im sorry if its boring, deal with it.

Call Me

The day was good, started the day tired as usual woke up early and made my way to the course again. Had a good sleep yest. I cant believe that i slept for so long, i can believe that i slept as early as 10+ pm yest man..it was a good sleep. I was in class tdy doing the course and i realise something, sadly i was the only person who didnt recieve any phone calls or sms. I have to be the one to call or sms them. Thats really quite bad, going back to the times when i was in camp the whole week and recieve no call at all. Oh well i'll just have to get used to it. But coming from a person who talks alot, its quite hard. That happens often nowdays so yeah even if i do get calls sometimes its very few and barely talk just for a while. Just feel diffrent..because like i said, i talk alot.

Monday Blues

I woke up today feeling very tired but that was ok..i woke up not in a good mood. i woke up wanting something that i dont have. and the feeling sucks..i dont know how come i thought about that but it was the 1st thing on my mind. so obviously it wasnt in the best of moods.I made my way to sembawang camp for my course. It was very very boring. The people giving the lectures are very monotonous. Thank god i met a few of my old frens over there they are doing the same course as me.It was good catching up with them but felt out of place.Oh well thats too bad.Anyways, had lots of free time and thought about stuff as usual and slept alot. I dont know why i keep thinking about the same stuff. I try to divert my attention elsewhere but somehow my mind is focused on that certain stuff. But over the course of the day i manage to talk to few diffrent people and had fun with old frens causing problems and being the usual irrtitating person. The only low point is i have to go back to the course tmr and for the whole week. haha

Before i leave, ive got something for everyone to read

Dont be bitter of life dissappointments.
Learn to let go of the past and recognise that every day won't be sunny and when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair...
Remember that its only in the black of the night that you can see the stars and those stars will lead u back home.
So don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall because most of the time the greatest rewards comes from doing the things that scares you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for,maybe you'll get mor than you ever could have imagined.
Who knows where life will take you?
The road is long and in the end the journey is the destination.

Weekend is over

The weekend is finally over and i can say i had a good weekend, i went for a movie, went blading went to sentosa went swimming, pkayed soccer, went clubbing, went to a friends hse, played more soccer, went for a night walk. You can say i did lots of stuff over the weekend... And i did enjoy myself..though not all the time..but at least im starting to enjoy myself. Thats a good thing rite.. My best friend explain to me and told me that i shouldnt always be lingering in this self pity and she didnt understand why i was always so sad and angry. She said at times she feels like she doesnt know me anymore. And she kind of knocked some sense into me.. THANK YOU for that.. I called her back after doing some thinking and i knew what was bothering me and what has been on my mind for the past few weeks...And maybe i was thinking i should just let things be and sit back and see how it goes from there. Talked to her about what it was that was bothering me and she kind of knew all along what was it..(its good to have someone know you very well :) ) Asked for her advice and she told me somethings which she has been repeating to me the past few weeks or even months..but at least i got a listening ear and though we joked more than we were serious..it was a good talk.. So yeah..i think things will go well for me..i know what i want to do with my life..now juz waiting to enroll in the course..and have approval from my parents..thats a tough 1...because we both have diffrent ambitions for me..hopefully we will be able to come to a good conclusion..Thats all for tonight..

Attention

A friend asked me wether i liked getting attention and i said NO. I said that it so happens that whenever i do funny stuff or say stuff people notice and i get the attention..its not that i want to go out and get attention. But then over the past few days i thought about it and i was thinking, maybe the answer is yes..And yes maybe i'm doing all this because im not getting the attention from the person that i want to get attention from..Maybe its because of that.. You cant blame me for wanting attention. Everybody wants attention from someone,For some is just from one person, for others is from everyone. So maybe im not getting the attention from that 1 person whom i want the attention from. Is it true?

Welcome Back

Its been quite some time since ive been here..well this because my internet has been down..and we all know for what reason..It sucks man..it shows hw much im dependant on the computer. I knew i used it for stuff and all but i didnt know i will have nothing much to do when its down. At least i tired to keep myself occupied.. i went to borrow dvds to watch all good shows but thanks to some wonderful timing...my dvds cant be played anywhere and both my dvd players can read the dvd..what are the odds of that man..Was damn frustrated and couldnt care less about anything..was just wondering how come i ended up in this situation. But all is good, i manage to have a wonderful undisturbed rest with the weather so nice and my room so cosy playing slow music.. it was simple just perfect..Its been a long time since i have slept that well.. no getting up no tossing and turning. Just hugging my handphone pillow to sleep and hiding under the blanket.. I missed a fewcalls and sms...thats hw good i slept considering im a very lght sleeper..Thats it for now but since IM BACK im sure that there are many more to come..its my space..i can flood it with what i want..heh..

My Saturday

The day started off with me going blading, the weather was quite cooling and windy not bad infact.. the bus ride there was fast..reached there abt 10am and bladed..somehow my old back injury came back and i was struggling to blade..suffered damn badly.. had to stop abt 4 times to sit and rest. Stopped at the hawker center and eventually made my way back..Lucky there was this kind soul who stopped to offer my help, he must have been thinking how im a new skater..haha..but oh well god bless him for being nice..he helped me back to the mac's and continued his journey....I reached home had a little to eat and rested before going to sentosa to meet josh and the rest..Berg's going away party..Kinda had quite some fun down there..playing football and swimming and disturbing people as usual..ahah..its been some time since ive been to the beach man..so it was good..though there were some sour grapes..i had fun...cut my hair..i look cute :) look like a little rascal.. juz the look im was going for..hehe..the naughty boy look..after all i am very naughty..now juz waiting for the plans for nicole's bday..because after that..i still have other plans..

Long Awaited Resolutions

Here is to my long awaited aspirations that i want to achieve.

1) I will be happy

2) I will try my best to get a diploma in culinary skills

3) I will get my driving license

4) I will save enough money for myself

5) I will not judge people and learn to accept them for who they are.

6) I will try not to talk so much this year

7) I will try to not take everything as a joke and learn to be serious

8) I will learn to look at things from a positive point of view.

9) I will work to give some extra income to my family.

10) I will treat myself to at least one holiday this year.

11) I will go somewhere to experience snow.

12) I will not party so much this year.

13) I will do my best to fulfill all my resolutions

There are actually quite a few more stuff and some that i cant rem...but when i eventually do, ill update you pple.

I hope everyone out there has what they want to do for the year..

Thank You!!

Just a word of thanks to the person who invented blogging. I dont know what made you do it. But its a great idea. When i feel like telling people something and there's no one around sometimes there isnt any1 at all who would listen to my nonsense and my rubbish..so thank god that i have a blog to write about it. I was so excited to tell people stuff about what happened..but there werent any 1 there to listen..and when that happens then u feel lousy..called a few pple to tell them about my nite, but all were to busy to listen. and when that happens u lose the mood to tell the story.. so yeah.. to the person who invented blog..thank you so very very much.

Broke

I.m broke..Literally broke i have no money not even a single cent to my name..When i go out i have to think twice.. think that if i do go out, will i be able to survive the rest of the week. Times are bad...real bad. I dont have value in my ezlink, have to keep borrowing from my mum. How did i get to this state. Im always able to be in control of my $$ im always able to spend within my limits, how isit that just one holiday cost me so much..i worked to earn the money to spend..Did i really overspend that much..Maybe it was the chirstmas new year season.. all the going out and all the buying of presents and stuff...But still i feel very very insecure without money. Im what 20 and have no savings not a single cent..How the fuck am i suppose to survive..If there's an emergency and i need to rush down to somewhere or get something last minute..im screwed i wont have enough cash..I think its time to go back to the days where i didnt go out when i had no money. Even when my allowance comes in..im afraid to spent it..every single cent ill be very wary..Everytime i spend cash ill be wondering wether its worth it or how im going to survive or do i really need that..But its hard to stop going out. For over a year everyday or every other weekend i was out so its very hard. Maybe its about time that i go back to jb to get a whole bunch of dvds, so that i can watch it over the weekends and just stick to my exercising. its high time i lost weight..getting out of shape and looking like fuck..time to do something and the time starts now.

Anger

Ive just realised that im a very angry man..or rather a very very angry man. I have lots of anger in me. over the weekend everyday i got angry and lost my cool. On friday i kind of quarrelled with a waiter at a bar on satday i hard a major ourburst scolding vulgarities non-stop and being so rude to people..every body kept asking why i was so angry or i had so much anger in me.. today i went to refree a soccer game..and i nearly fought as in really nearly came to blows with one of the players.. Whats wrong with me nowdays? why am i like this? i never use to be so angry and show it..if i was angry i wouldnt have showed it like this anyway..ill always keep my cool.. Actually i think i sub-conciously know what im angry about..in fact i know and i hate myself for taking out on other people..but im juz not facing the problem so i keep being angry and angrier..Im angry because of that and i dont know what to do..it sucks.., I just hope i go back to the happy go lucky sweet loving joker kind of guy i was.. i miss that guy

Lonely

After asking a few people to go blading with me and being declined, i decided to go myself. Asked quite a few of them but they said they had their reasons so yeah i went alone.It was quite diffrent. No one to talk to or to share my stupid jokes with felt kind of lonely..in fact felt very lonely.juz go to take time to get used to stuff.Its not that i didnt enjoy going to blade, is juz that it was diffrent....it was good at times because u gt to think about stuff and enjoy the morning sea breeze but when u get a reality check..u know hw u feel again..Anyways..since ive been blading for quite some weeks now, there isnt a reason why i should stop going unless i dont enjoy..For now i still do..hopefully i wont lose the intrest.

Show some fu@#ing respect.

Went out with my aunt, uncle, siblings and couzins last nite. The purpose of the outing is because my aunt wanted to just go out and have drinks with us and asked us to bring our dates along. All was good till my cousins came along. We started of with drinks at alley bar and when my cousins came we started deciding where to go. As usual, she gave a f***ed up face and acted as if we owed her a living. I tried my best to be the better person and all along played the nice guy trying to please everybody and stuff.. But that stupid bitch..everytime i asked her something she said 'anything' 'anything' 'anything' so in the end we ended up eating and then they left..i was so freaking pissed with them that from now on i wont go out with people unless i feel like or i think im going to enjoy myself. I felt as if i wasted a weekend. They are precious to me. I could have arranged my cupboard or do up my room or something. haiz..i wonder why that no matter what happens that asshole will never change.

Why?

Why does it have to be in order to love you got to be hurt aswell? Why is it that love is never enough? Why does it always happen that when you finally find someone who you love with all your heart and soul there is always some reason that u can be together? Why when you give everything and expect nothing you end up with nothing? Why does someone always have to get hurt? Why do some people's thinking never change? Why are some people given are second chance and some not? Why does it take so long to heal? Why does it hurt so bad? Why is it so hard to find the one?Why is it so hard to let go?

Why does it happen that when things go right there are bound for something to go wrong? Why must some people work so hard to gain success well others can have it at their feet? Why do some people live the luxurious life and some dont? Why do some have everything and some have nothing? Why are some people so lucky and some so unlucky? Why do good things happen to some people more than they happen to others? Why isit so hard to be happy? Why does some people have to live a life full of illness and some juz are healthy? Why that when we try to live without it, we end up needing it even more?

People always have questions they need to be answered be it for themselves or for other people.

Nobody has all the answers, but we all will always have our WHY'S?

Life is actually very simple, Living it is the complexed part..

A Day at Work

Everyone always wonders what i do in camp and how come ive got such a good life. Only a few people or friends understand what i do and those people are officers and those in the army life as well.. so today ill give everyone and insight on what i really do in camp

I'm an officer mess boy, which means i take care of the mess, for those of you who dont know what a mess is, is kind of like lets say a lounge or games room. The mess is where the officers usually come to relax everyonce in a while during their busy office hours. In the mess there's a dining area, a pool table, billard table, table soccer, tv equipped with a damn good sound system and vcd and dvd players. The mess is also furnished with sofa's and is fully airconditioned..(heh so in other words i really have a good life)

So basically a normal day will be like i collect breakfeast from the cook house and just bring it to the mess dining area. The officers usually come in from 7.30am-11am for breakfeast and during breakfeast if they need any hot drinks like coffee tea mocha milo etc. ill make it for them with the machine of coz..haha. once their done im free all the way till after lunch. So i can either sleep or play pool or watch tv.Sometimes they dont even come in after lunch. Every now and then a few officers who will need their daily coffee or hot drink will come in for it and once in a while ill strike up a conversation with them. The busiest time of the day is after 6pm, this because its usually when they are done with work and all of them stay in camp..so they would come to watch tv or use the facilities provided and have their dinner there. The earliest i end my day can be at9.30 pm and the latest can be as late as 2.30 am.

Hey but everyonce in a while when they decide to have meetings and throw a function in the mess it gets very very busy and i always try my best to do things perfectly for these stuff. That because my usual day is so relaxed, so when there something big why not show others that given a big task u can handle it and u can do things right without any flaws and when that happens u feel good about yourself not because you proved it to someone but because u proved it to yourself.. Every now and then u should be able to help yourself remember the talents that you have in you ;)

But overall i still have the best life haha.. and i still complain so much about army..oh well someone has to do it rite?.

Back to reality

Finally back in camp after a long long holiday. Think i got to get used to staying in.Havent stayed in camp for over 2 months, i bet its bound to be hard. Im still in the holiday mood. My holiday started like mid november last year. Havent seen the guy who does my work with me since then. Well the 1 good thing is that at least im a little closer to him. Can actually talk about stuff like our holidays and outings and other stuff. But still yet i feel that there's a sense of emptiness. I mean its good to be able to talk to someone especially in camp, never really had that many frens there anyway. In fact i doubt i talk to anyone about anything in camp, just answer their questions and help them with their daily stuff. Lucky think i brought dvd's to camp, helps me to pass the time faster and i dont need to try to talk to anybody juz watch my show, sleep wake up do my work and call it a day.

I wont lie, its hard its hard getting used to staying in camp, and what makes it harder is that i dont really know that many people or rather talk to that many people.

Every good song has to come to and end, Is that any reason not to enjoy music..

Without a doubt i've got to get used to it but i look back over the past 2months or even half a year..i had a good life..and im sure ill continue to have a good life its just how i want to spend it.

Why do things always go wrong?

A good friend of mine told me that her grandma had a bad fall for the second time. When i heard this i teared and was frustrated. Every nite before i sleep i pray and when i pray i prayed that my friends grandma will be healthy and live a long life a pray for my mum and dad that somehow we can find a way to make end meet i pray that my friend will always be able to take up challenges at work and will be able to soar towards greater heights i pray that my aunty and uncle will be able to have a baby soon. But no matter how much i pray every single day and nite, all that i prayed for has not happend in fact the opposite has turned out to be the outcome. why? why? what did i do so wrong? its not as if i was selfish and prayed just for myself, i prayed for everyone but myself..i put everyone's prblms and well being before me and yet still bad things happen.. why isit whenever i pray for something the opposite always happens, this it not the 1st time.Is it a test? if i keep praying and praying and nothing happens, sad to say i will lose faith. i prayed to pass my "O" leves but i failed.. prayed to be healthy buy had hernia and it still hurts prayed for so many more things and every single time its the opposite.. I really dont understand.. HOPEFULLY some day good things will happen when i ask for them..not only for me but for all the other people that i asked for.. its sad when things dont happen rite..but its even worst when over and over again u have things going against you...

I deserve it!!!

Its the second day of the year and already im sad and down and feel so lousy.All i can say is i deserve it, the 1st day wasnt any better but i cant blame anyone..yes i cant blame anyone..not a single person..i deserve what i'm feeling..people will tell me learn from your mistakes its a lesson u take..but i'll say i deserve it.
I never thought that i would feel this way again. The last time i felt like this was quite a long time ago..but now i'm the one who caused the pain..Im not young and stupid..Im old enough to think..Why isit that if i can think and give advice to others, i cant take the same for me..why isit that i always always have to be the 1 in the losing end. All i have to say is that I deserve what im feeling today yesterday and what im going to feel in the few more days too come..The only thing i can take comfort is that this time its hard..but not as hard as before. But still its a phase ive got to go through. I dont know if ill go through it alone..maybe i will channel my energy to somewhere else but oh well.ill learn ill be strong and ill pickmyself up eventually.

A Look Back at 2006

2006 has been a year with lots of ups and downs for me.But overall i can say i enjoyed it. The year passed by quite fast..maybe that was because i was having fun, at times it seemed as if the week will take forever to end(that must have been the times when i was hurting badly) but it only make sense that time flies when ur having.

Lets take a look back at how 2006 was shall we

January 06 (the start of a new year)
I cant really recall much about jan but only remembering that i had lots of fun..i remember living the life going out every single day coming back late and just enjoying being alive and happy.Jan was a good month and i can say that i started the year on a good note

Feburary 06 (sweet sweet loving)
I'll never forgot feb..this because feb 06 at the age of 19 was the 1st time i ever celebrated or did something on vday.Usually i would sit ard doing nothing this because i had not have that someone special.My 1st valentines day was really very very special..i spent it with a beautiful person whom i love very much and had a wonderful day.Feb definetly one to remember

March0 06 (a call to manhood)
Hahah...march o6 is when the goverment decided that they should start paying me to keep fit..haha..it was a call to soon for me i guess..came as shock and short term notice but thank god i had my childhood fren who enlisted in the same day with me so the feeling of going into army wasnt that bad.But as usual after a while i started complaining and back to my normal nonsene..haha..didnt make that many new friends in army but thank god didnt make that many enemies :)

April 06 (I'm the April Fool)
My hernia was hurting badly and i couldnt run and do sit ups and couldnt do most of the exercise..but most of my sergeants thougth i was bluffing and wanted the easy way out..so thats why i was more like a fool. had to do all the area cleaning and all the sai kang work..eflt more like a cleaner than a soldier that month.

May 06 (hard to take)
I was a baby during this month. I cried non-stop because i lost someone who means very dear to me. i lost my 1st love and i didnt do anything wrong..At that point of time all i kept thinking was that i didnt do anything wrong and if i treated her well why did this happen but then i realised the reality behind everything and i can say i understand where she was coming from. If ive learnt one thing is that “"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain.To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing" life is all about risk and learning. And i have learned some stuff along the way..but not yet risk anything.

June 06 (party animal)
Wahaha june i partied like mad..god knows how long were my mc's and where i got the money to go wild haha..drank and went out everysingle day...hw i still dont know haha

July 06 (starting of a good)
After all that has happend ive finally been given a good life in the army, doing nothing but sleeping and eating..thats hw i got my big tummy..haha..but hey when u've got lots of free time its when u spent reflecting the most..and i did alot of thinking and reflecting and ive got to admit that i am scared for my future and at times feel like shit because i was lonely and lost

August 06 (not that great)
The best friends bday..this month had lots of things to remember and foget..but still lots of things to laugh about aswell..like how i was so immature and stupid in trying to trick the army with no mc's but calling back and saying i had..The best friends bday was fun and i can honestly say all of us had a great time. There were other bdays too but non as exciting..heh.

Septmeber 06(IMF)
This month our country became famous and held the IMF world banking meeting.. There was lots of work for alot of people except me..not to forget my brothers bday..haha..who can forget how i had to carry him home before 12am..he was pissed drunk..carried him home washed my hands took his money and went back to club...ahah..Hey he did the same to me when i was a cayote ugly on my bday at coco 2yrs ago..nw its revenge..haha.the only sour part was losing a friend for awhile.

October 06 (MyBirthday)
Had lots of fun this month..celebrated my bday for like 4 days..went out non stop clubed and puked..my bday was 1 to rem..though it wasnt something big..my friends went out of the way to make me feel happy and spent time with me because they knew what i was going through. I really thank them alot for that and they dont know hw happy i was.

November 06 (November Rain)
Started getting closer again to my best friend and started going out again..felt comfortable and happy that i wont lose her and that things were slowly going back to normal juz like how they were before.. it was great old friends came back from overseas and new friends were made. Had a wonderful time..Cant rem a day that i wasnt happy..thats hw good it was.

December 06 (Christmas Miracle)
Its a wonder how spending a few days with certain pple u can raelly get to know them well..Went for my 1st ever group holiday to bangkok..12 of us went and i can say we really enjoyed ourselves..i learnt from some people stuff and got closer to a few other friends..Nt forgetting that i also went to my 1st zouk out and went topless on the podium..god knows what i was thinking. I also spent alot of time with my most dearest fren..missed the old times and yes we made new memories..had a lot of good laughs and celebrated both christmas and new years with a group of frens who take care of me very well and look out for me..Thank you guys. if there is only 1 regret i have..is that im not in the many pictures that are taken. I would have loved to keep them as memories.

Overall i can say 2006 was a good year. It had its up and downs but well i cant say that i didnt enjoy it..I got to make new friends and meet new people..i didnt lose any of my frens and thank god didnt lose any of my family memebers. I manage to go for a holiday and enjoy myself and definetly matured a little bit more..

I'm New

Everyone of you mite be wondering how come i started blogging, well i was sitting at home and wanted to let some emotions out but had no one to turn to. Then i realised that rather than telling someone how u feel..u can always write... I use to write alot about what i feel and how i feel and whatever bothers me and how my day went and stuff..and well..i guess ill just go back to doing the same.. I have lots of stuff in me that i want to let out and say..(i already talk alot still got lots more to say) not everybody will react well to the way i think or act..so why not juz write about it and dont offend anyone directly or intentionally..

So from today on i can take comfort in knowing that ive a place to thrash things out and say what i want to say without thinking

Like the heading said I'm New..so give me time to get my blog up and running properly to have a proper picture of me proper colours and scheme and all that stuff..for the moment i juz needed a place to write some stuff that has been on my mind lately and i want to write it down before i forget