August

Another week has passed and thank god its over. My leave finally ended last week.Did a shit lots of stuff,went out everyday. Went to jb on sunday, kind of a last min thingy and i can say it was quite fun..quite a number of us compared to how we usually go. Stayed at sam's place from sun-tue doing god knows what, sleeping playing xbox cooking dinner watching tv..all kinds of stuff..August has been quite ok so far, manage to like get back to work and start earning some extra cash. although i dont really like the atmosphere im working in. I cant be choosy rite. so ill just live with what ive got. Oh and yeah although more money means spending more. I think ill start to save some. Ive yet to buy new clothes of any kind. Actually i dont think i bought a single shirt or jeans this year. I need a new pair of jeans. A new wallet. A new phone, mine is really screwed up, turns off by itself. A new belt. And a whole new set of shirts or t-shirts. I think ive got to start working more. Even if it means work then camp then work then camp then work. At least ill get tired and a good distraction from whatever is on my mind nowdays. Havent really uploaded any new pics from all the various outings we had, so i think i shall do it now..since i cant sleep and im quite free

I MISS YOU!!

Brandon & Christian. Why? You're gone back home after 3mnths here and although you will be back after 3mnths, Im starting to miss you already. The both of you brighten up my days and made them so fun and joyable with all your nonsense. Brandon i miss your cute little crazy ways and whenever i ask u to the "shaun face" how you would do it and smile at me. And all the mishief we would be up to. Christian i always disturb you but i know that you love me..Because you always ask for me to come instead of bryan and your face lights up whenever you see me. Now i have to go swimming all by myself..haha I still cant 4get how i taught brandon how to swim in the deep pool and how we played hide and seek and had our diving competition..haha..Those were one of the many fun days. Its a pity you wont be back for my bday. Its alrite..ill celebrate with you when your here.. I havent miss someone so much for a damn long time..You kids make me so happy and so sad..ahah..Come back soon!!

Grandmummy's Birthday!

Celebrated grandma's bday on satday. It was a suprise party where all here friends and family members were there. She was really in shock when she walked into the hotel and saw everyone there and heard them singing. I think she really enjoyed herslf and was quite happy that the people she wanted to see were there. At the party most of the aunty's were asking why i painted my finger nails and how come now ive put on so much weight or rather how come now im so fat. Was kind of a tiring day. After making sure that everything for my grams bday was ok and once we were done with the party went for mass, because my mum kind of knows that i dont go every sunday.Headed down to my aunts place for dinner and just a little chit chat because they were leaving today. I left their house early and met Sam at her place before heading down to mos to meet the rest. Had quite an ok time there. Oh Nicole cried Candice cried Sam got angry Shawn was high and i was damn tired. Reached home eventually at 630 and called it a day

Happy National Da

Same thing we did last year on this day, played soccer in church. Thats when i made up all the new rules. It was good today had fun, Played pretty well. Cant believe that i actually played quite well with the hernia that bad. Played for 3hrs and went down to holland v to eat the x.o fish head bee hoon soup. Shane Sam Shawn Nicole Nabeel and I were there having dinner. Its quite good. After which went for ice cream where liwen deon daphne and berg joined us.And berg commented on how fat ive become. Idiot but it was true lah. I am fat.Had nothing to do so slacked there till i eventually suggested to go watch a movie but when we reach town there wasnt any..so i couldnt be bothered and left with liwen. Finally home early haha..my mum shuld be happy..Got wake up tmr and follow liwenn shopping..Haiz..and ive got some errands to run

You Know Who You Are..

Its been quite a while since we spoke, just wondering how your doing. I know that your happy and doing well could tell from the last time that i saw you. Havent really heard from you or seen you around. Should be doing the usual sporty stuff.Hope all is well for you at home. And im sure work is definetly good. Your birthday is coming soon and knowing you theres bound to be a celebration. You love to party. Oh well was just wondering how you've been doind and if your doing well im happy for you. Hope to see or talk to you some time soon. Stay healthy!!

Routine Stuff

Past week was kind of busy, stayed in camp the whole week. Booked out a few times to go home and get stuff and to also go for hong's bday. He seemed to be happy. Celebrated his bday yest with eventually me getting high, this because everyone was missing and somewhere else so i drank with some new friends i made, quite nice pple. Eventually was so high that i didnt eat a thing at supper, that worked well for my diet. Seeing as i cut down alot on my food and keep exercising. Hernia still fucked up as usual hurts but oh well no choice, just got to live with it. Caught up with a few pple i havent seen for a while.And hung out with alot more who i usually hang out with. Been sick the whole week, flu cough and fever. still yet to recover. Hopefully soon. Will be free the next 2 weeks so anyone who is free just give me a call.

Tiring Weekend

The weekend was rather tiring, went for coffee at the starbucks at one fullerton which had quite a nice ambience and was there till say it closed, after which we headed to newton to eat and drank abit with Beng and Gab. Shawn came down when every1 was leaving so i stayed with him till 6am. Eventually instead of going home went over to Raymonds place to play mahjong and slept for awhile only reached home at1pm satday aftnoon. Slept the whole day till dinner.Went over to meet brandon and christian for dinner and walked them back to the apartment aftr that. Uncle Maurizio wanted to have a beer so i had a few drinks with him before i eventually left to meet sam and candice for coffee in town and then cuscaden to meet the rest of them.Newton again aftr that and then shawns place. Since we had a game again.
As usual i got a red card again. It happens every season but this time i culdnt control myself and started shouting vulgarities. My temper is getting quite bad.Actually it always has been bad. Thankfully enough we won 3-2. Shin Kwan was to hung over to play.We would of won anyway.. Went for mass and aftr that got the stuff for the hamster and beautified my room. Its finally clean once again have more to write but ill go shower 1st..haha ;)

Poor MiMi!

Mimi has sadly passed away. After 1 week and 3days with me it passed away by repeatedly falling down and refusing to eat.I actually felt something when i found out she died. So i'm doing my best to keep Jasper alive for as long as possible. So last week we went to mos on wed when the initial plan was to go to butter. But like how Joshua is baned from zouk, Lawlor is baned from Butter. So we ended up at mos even though we didnt really like the place. Since Kenneth Vance and a few of them were at Butter they kept insisting that i come down because i seldom hang out with them anymore and they wanted me to go and drink as usual. Sam Candice and Vanessa followed me down to Butter, we took a taxi because all were too lazy to walk plus spoilt sammi was wearing heels. Went there and drink quite a bit the guys were quite high so it didnt matter how long i stayed. Stayed for an hr and then headed back to mos where it was quite fun and had a good night. Only for the latter part when vanessa got into some shit. Hong and i took the cab and headed back home while i made my way to camp. I was damn fucking tired and prbly slept the whole day not doing my job well. Since i didnt really want to go and meet people and go out, i stayed in and only came out on friday instead of thursday..

Jasper & Mimi

IVE GOT HAMSTERS.. Finally after i think like 1 and a half years, ive got hamsters again.I ve got 2. After picking Josh up from the airport, Sam Shawn and i were thinking of names for the hamsters when i remembered Jasper & Mimi from PCK..haha. but i also contemplated on like the names Nibbles and Starlight. Haha. My little cousins are in love with them they enjoy playing every single moment wth them. I'm thining of like getting a big cage where they can run around and do their exercise and stuff. If not the small one its like db for them man cant do nothing. Maybe ill go check out some cages over the weekend at vivo or god knows where, and clean my room and like re arrabge so i can let the hamsters out of the cage sometimes. Oh and i think i need another hamster ball.1 isnt enuf

Bom Bom Fatty

I have put on weight and its quite alot. Lots of people have been telling me that recently. Friends whom i havent seen for long when they see me they are like " eh what happen sia" ell of a lot. Even my officers in camp are telling me that. My aunts keep telling me to do something bout my weight and keep reminding me. And yes i am fat now. My tummy is bigger everything is bigger. Maybe its becoz of all the late nights and the irregular sleeping hours. Im not lazy, its just that i dont have that much time to exercise and i ran out of painkillers. Its time to lose weight. Actually it was time long time ago. My healthy lifestyle has stopped. No more are the days of blading and cycling. Maybe its becoz not every1 wants to do that..and kind of hard to find a companion that enjoys that. I dont eat that much. I watch what i eat. But its true that sometimes i couldnt care less. I just do as i please and dont bother much abt appearance now days. Sub consiously i dont bother about my weight but when u think abt it or look at me, i am quite big size. Hopefully i can start on my mission to lose weight and keep to that routine. I'll try my best to do so. Not a very nice thing to hear when people keep telling you that your fat or that you need to lose weight.

The Problem Child!

Yes! im referring to me. Thats me, ive always been the problem child and i will always be the problem child. As if work is not fucked up enough, i got kicked out of the house again. Nothing new eh, since it happen like so many times already. Ive really lost count. Somehow or another whatever i do ill make my parents angry or whatever i do, i cant please them. I got kicked out and this time round was quite bad. My dad was damn angry i kinda kept quiet after he went all ballistic. I stayed over at my grandma's place for 1 day then i came home got my passport and left for jb.

Everything went well in jb until we were returning to singapore. According to the customs they said i didnt declare ciggs so they fined me 200 bucks man and to keep the ciggs i had to pay7.65 more. Its shit man i did declare and u know whats the best part, i bought the ciggs for Sam and Candice to share. Maybe its true that the nice guy always dies first. Of coz i did quarell with the customs before paying. I think i was in the room for abt half an hr and poor ryann was waitg for me. haha.Back in singapore i complained and bitched and made noise like the whole day..even during dinner.Went over to sam's place after that played with Starfish till god knows what time,was catching up on the gossip as well. Eventually came home on friday morning.

Went to acid bar on friday for Faith because she's leaving for aussie to study going there to meet Patrick. Acid was fun finally most of the pple came down and we managed to enjoy ourselves. Made Faith sing on stage, she has quite a nice voice. Headed to lucky plaza macs after that for supper. Everyone left and i stayed with jill because she didnt want to go home. So we decided to watch Transformers at like4am but we missed the show by ten mins. Too bad Jill haha another time. Satday was suppose to work but didnt go, because i actually hate all the staff working there and i dont click with them. Cant tell that they actually dont like me. So i think im going to quit soon if they dont change me to their inside outlet. No point working with people who is going to pick on you 24/7 its just like being a maid or servant. Woke up and met Hong at my place and went to airport to see Faith and Steph off. After which we headed down to MOS and was quite a fun nite.

I finally was able to wake up and go for mass. After 1 month i finally gone for mass. But i felt as if it was as good as me not going seeing as i didnt really like put that much heart into it. Went to vivo with my aunt and uncle and they acme to the conclusion that im always going out because im lonely. Dont know if thats true anot but oh well, everyone has their on way of thinking about stuff. Jill and Hong said the day before that i looked very bothered by stuff. But thankfully enough there isnt anything to bother me. Was talking to kelly online and i told her that i'm not happy.She wanted to try and cheer me up..haha but the ting is im not sad aswell. its like im just in between living a mononotus life. Made plans with Sammi to start our diet plan. It commences tmr.haha we;re going jogging with starfish and then head down to the airport to pick our EMO NEMO friend Joshua up..

Till the next time, i will always be the same broke problem child

I.m Back

so i havent been updatin my space for a while so i shuld have lots to talk about.

MONDAY:
Oh well last monday i manage to come out of camp, met nicole at cck and took a cab dwn to town to meet the rest of the girls to just bum around since, there wasnt anyone left.(most of them on holidays) went over to balcony for a few drinks, yes u must be thinking drinks on monday but it wasnt much just like maybe 2 glasses. chilled there till everyone left except sam and i. Sam was kind enough to accompany me till 6am so that there's no midnite charge and i can go to camp. Manage to eat some good bak kut teh, havent had it for a long long time. This is the 1st time i actually ate the meat, its not to bad quit chewy. After that shared cab with sam, sent her back before heading to camp its actually quite near. THANKS SAMMI for staying out and keeping me company. I stay with you next time, i show you good time :) haha.

TUESDAY:
Was so tired after the nite before, fell asleep when suppose to be on duty in camp, haha and got screwed for it. I deserve it lah its my fault anyways. Left camp and headed down to town to meet them again.After which jill came to met us when the rest left. Was left with liwen jill and i. liwen left so i was with jill for a bit to catch up on the gossip before we parted..haha

Tiring week.

It was one hell of a tiring week. Had to stay in camp from tue-sat but of coz knowing me, i manage to come out but still go back to camp everyday. Wednsday was out for candice's bday and it was one fun night, although we didnt see her that much. haha. "Su" made me drink a graveyard which tasted like shit, and i swear im never going to drink that again. Its the worst shit ever man, sometimes i dont know how these pple come up with all this weird drinks. Thurs went over to cuscaden for dinner coz shane was working so all went to keep him company, was an early night. haha. Friday went to mos after booking out of camp late. Fought with my camp officer then left. Came home then fought with everyone before leaving for mos where josh and mike had the show. It was damn fucking packed man. didnt enjoy myself. Sat was better. woke up at god knows what time, then got changed and ready to go out to zouk(cash money). It was good shit man. I enjoyed myself to the max. haha. Didnt care abt others who were drunk or high or quarelling. Ended up at spize where i saw the rest of the pple who were dispersed all over diffrent places. Woke up and went to church for soccer where i couldnt last the pace because of last night. Didnt go for mass for 3 weeks kind of ermm bad lah. Parents making noise and all. Aiyah but then again its my mistake. Hopefully next week i can make it for mass. Going to arab st now to meet the rest because pat's leaving for australia to study on wed.so yeah. gtg.

Quotes

Its 350 am and i cant sleep so im going to blog few quotes that i like.

Friendship.

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.

Sometimes the measure of friendship isn't your ability to not harm but your capacity to forgive the things done to you and ask forgiveness for your own mistakes.

When someone allows you to bear his burdens, you have found deep friendship.

We secure our friends not by accepting favours buy by doing them.

I've learned that all a person has in life is family and friends. If you lose those, you have nothing,
so friends are to be treausred more than anything else in the world.

Boredom.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

Life.

The first step to getting the things that you want out of life is this. Decide what you want.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

We make a living by what we get, We make a life by what we give.

Life is just a mirror, and what you see out there, you must first see inside of you

Lies.

Liars when they speak the truth are not believed

Love.

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

There is no remedy for love but to love more

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.

To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.

Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

The first duty of love is to listen.

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.

Happiness.

Cherish all happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age.

In order for people to be happy, sometimes they have to take risks. It's true these risks can put the in danger of being hurt.

Education

It seems like everyone is like starting to study or going overseas to study which makes me start to wonder, what am i going to do? its been quite a long while and i have totally lost intrest in everything. Have no idea what the hell im going to do after im done with army.Kind of scary though im 21yrs old and ive got no education at all no diploma, no "O" levels, no nothing. I thought about becoming a chef, but i dont have the passion to cook anymore. Then a childrens counsellor, but not that patient nowdays. There was ideas of becoming an events organiser but still im not that good at any of these stuff. I'm scared shitless for my future. Im worried. But ive got no answer or no soloution to any of these things. And my biggest mistake is that i dont speak it out. I dont talk about these stuff to people. Not to parents because i know ill feel like shit and basically because we just dont talk. Many things i like to do bt i think its time to get my priorities straighten out. Hopefully ill come to think of what id like to do when the time comes. And lets hope its not to late

A Good Week

This week was good.Fruitful infact. And im glad i maximised myself though it was tiring. Came out on tuesday from camp and went over to Josh's place where we had abit too much to drunk and as usual there wasa drama. good to know that somethings were able to be straightened out. Wed was at Shane's house watching dvds. We watched Dodgeball an American Wedding after which we all went home and got ready to go to the beach on thursday morning with STARFISH(thats sam's dog by the way). haha I want to bring the dog home for one week can? Please Sam. Ill do anything..haha. Brought my cousins out with them after that and as usual Shane was the bad influence. Went to camp late on friday man. thank god nothing happened. Came out late and ermm watched dvds at Shawns place this time round afterwhich we went to watch the sunrise. I came homed changed and went to play soccer with my cousins straight away and then i went swimming with them aswell. Finally i was too tired and K.Oed. Went Mos with the whole gang yest and manage to have quit a bit of fun. And as usual its back to camp tmr.But only for 2 days so it aint so bad. Was a good week, didnt spend much money, manage to do quite abit of exercise and ermm still have lots of fun.

My Weekend

Finally went hiking on sat morning after so long. It was tiring waking up after doing research on the com and watching the late night movie, but it was well worth it. Manage to get some morning breeze and good work out. Not many people believed when i said i went because 1st of all i went alone lah. And secondly, who would actually wake up and go do this stuff. After that came home and slept and went to newton for Kok Beng's birthday before heading down to MOS where we had a quite fun night altogether. Been awhile since i had that much of fun. Came home eventually at 6am and played with my couzzies till it was time to go 4 mass. Wasnt paying attention during mass it was like just go and get it over with (sad to say) maybe because i was too tired. Played soccer and maybe i think i overexerted myself because the hernia hurt badky again. Oh well came back and entertained the young ones again before going down to arab st to meet the rest to plan our next few weeks of outings. Seems quite fun, hopefully it happens.

The Aftermath

I think im allergic to something. And i think that its dogs. I say this because, the other night i stayed over at Nicole Mok's place and was playing with her dog, and she was like lying on me and jumping all over. Then yest, i was over at Sam and Candice's place and the same thing, and ive got a bad flu now. It happened the day after i was at Nicole's place aswell.

My nose is bad. Its been non stop sneezing since i left their place earlier this morning, and my eyes hurt badly.I can barely open my eyes, but thank god for eye drops. haha. Im sick once again, and this time i think there is something internal which ive got to check. I drank water this morning and my throat and abdomen hurt real bad. It was like sharp poking pain and i couldnt breath for that short moment. At first i thought it was a one of thingy but it happened again just now. After watching Shrek3, i drank abit of Deon's coke and it was the same feeling. If it continues to happen, i think ive got to go and get it checked. Seems quite serious, when i press y tummy it hurts aswell.

I think movie theaters arent for me. Id rather watch the dvd at home. I feel really uncomfortable because the seats are like so close to one another and you cant do as you please. You've got to be wary about not blocking someone or spoiling the movie for them. I watched 2 shows recently. Pirates of the Caribbean and Shrek3. Both of which i didnt watch the 1st two. I found Pirates quite draggy and i slept like half way in the show. The 1st time ive ever fallen asleep in a cinema. Shrek was OK but nothing fantastic. Didnt really like make me laugh as much as i expected. Ive seen better shows. I'm still waiting for my dvds to arrive. Its alot man like 20, this time round i bought the most and it hasnt come. Hopefully it comes within the next week, ive watched all my shows i need to watch and im getting bored.
Games where me out aswell. Get tired of playing the same thing over and over again. I need to get new games and new dvds.

Yes! Ive put on weight, and i think its quite alot. Many people have been telling me the same thing, maybe its time to exercise even though the hernia is going to hurt. I cant just sit around and do nothing. Id rather go through the pain and look acceptable. So tmr ive actually decided to go hiking, but no one is free. I'm going alone. I cant keep waiting for people. If not ill never get things done. From now on every satday morning im going to do at least some form of exercise and i somewhat have it all planned out. If so happens i cant make it on a saturday ill push it to sunday. And by hook or by crook ill have it done. I enjoy doing outdoor sports and i get to lose weight, so why not. Going it alone is not a problem. Done it so manytimes before, but of course with company it will be more fun. gotta go catch some sleep, looking forward to tmr.

A Good Day.

So the tournament that i organised went well. It was good to see that many of the teams turned up and that most of them were actually happy with the tournament. Besides the refreeing mishaps and (Key) dont know if thats how you spell his name breaking his elbow, everything went smoothly. Most of the teams were kind of happy that when they arrived they saw many like friends playing in diffrent teams and it became quite competitive in a friendly kind of way. My team didnt go to far and that was a good thing. Because i had to stick to the organising and refreeing. The two teams that eventually reached the finals were those that i thought would stand a chance of winning. They were the two best teams and deserve to be there.

After the tournament, finally had something to eat and a few of us went to candice's place. They were all playing mahjong while i kept myself entertained by playing with their dog Starfish. Haha. Its quite a cute dog though. Small and innocent. Id love to borrow her for a few days,haha but i doubt candice will ever let me take her out unless it was for a walk. O well. My mum kept calling and as usual made noise because im not at home again. She keeps complaining that im out too often and keep coming back when the sun is up. Which is something she really doesnt like, looks like ive got to start cutting down on my outings.

Little Ones.

Been rather busy with the past few days, with work and research and my cousins. Yes!! my cousins have finally arrived from America. Its been a long wait and its well worth it. I picked them up at the airport last week and they've been staying in my house eversince. Its been fun having them around, just doing nothing,playing games, going out and seeing them get up with all their mischief and nonsense.They're always smiling and laughing. So innocent and i can guarantee any of you that you'll enjoy being with them the moment you see them. Of course, they are much bigger from the last time i saw them, but its still a bundle of joy having them around. The good news is that they mite be staying here for about 3 years, this because my uncle mite be placed to work here and that could be for around that period of time.

Somehow i know im not my old self when it comes to kids. Its just diffrent. When i was working in the American Club, everytime kids came in the games area no matter who ill be just happy to see them. And no matter what they did ive always have the patience to keep my cool and not get angry. Now, i get irritated and somewhat moody when its around them. I still do go out of my way to get for them stuff and give them surprises and bring them out. But its diffrent. Sad but diffrent. My aunt who came down, said that i always look lost or that somethings bothering me, she did mention that her husband said the same when he was down here a few times earlier in the year. I dont feel that way. But then again its people who notice you that you should listen too. Anyways it just good that their here for now and that they will be here for a lot longer. Kind of nice having them around. They make me happy at times.

Sadly Things Have Changed

Its funny how things have changed. We use to be so close, all our little secrets were always undisclosed. A friend i could count on whenever im in need. Always the first i would call whenever ive got doubts or just needed to go out. Never fail to put a smile on my face with your jokes or funny ways,You also were the one to always brighten up my day. I used to be able to let out and say what i wanted to say. I still have friends whom i can talk to but never say what i really want to say.

I dont talk to people on the phone till late and kind of got used to that already but sometimes when you need to really talk to someone. I can no longer say i know who to call. I sit and wonder who can i call then i think its better just to be all alone and not speak it up. I missed the old days where we used to hang out, even if it was just for a drink and some gossip. No more are the times when ive got someone who actually wants to do same stuff that i do. Ive tried to accept it but its hard to take in

Now when we meet we dont even talk. Not a single word not even the "hi" or "bye". Its really sad to see that this is what it has come to be. My closest friend ive ever had. If lost many friends along the way and now its another one. Dont know whats going on with your life or what your up to. A friend so close yet so much stuff i dont even know. What hurts the most is the things we use to do, i could find no other friend whom treat me like you do. I use to miss my friend, now im just missing a friend. I hope it doesnt have to be like this for long it can get kind of lonely sometimes.

I see that your looking good, happy infact. Its good to see you happy and doing good. Everyone deserves to be happy and you're definetly one of them. I'm happy that your happy and things are going well with your life, you seem to be enjoying your day to day life. I hope that your happy and your family is doing good. You look healthy and thats a good sign. It was nice seeing you again though we didnt talk at all and didnt make any eye contact. Hope to see you soon and wish you all the best.

Broke!!

I've been reading the book Jill lent me, and im abit confused because, everything the book said that you were suppose to do, I did. And im not kidding you, every single thing. This just shows that sometimes not everyone is right about everything,no matter how highly qualified they are.
I'm broke again, but this time i know why, i helped out the family with some finances since the situation seems to be quite bad. Oh well i can last without money, been there and done that a few times already. All i need is my dvds and my games and my book, time will eventually pass. Luckily Candice got us this job next week, so its still alrite. Nothing much to write also nowdays,. like i said my life isnt as happening as people make it seem. Come live with me, ull find out what a bore i am. I just hope i get alot of money soon, because ive got alot of plans to do alot of stuff. And that needs money, if not ill be stuck just bumming around doing nothing.

Bad Weekend

Haiz. This weekend was a bad one. No matter what i did, everything went wrong. All my luck was really bad. I dont know why but somehow things keep happening to nice people. Even if you dont do any harm to anyone or your nice to the whole world, Someway or another bad things will happen to you. After that my mood was spoiled, sadly i took out my anger on one of my friends. Felt abit bad after that, but still get easily irritated and small things will keep pushing my buttons. The world is unfair, and unjust. Nothing is fair in this world. So for now on im just going to live for myself and noone else. I'm sorry man. Whats the use of being nice and still geting bad things in return? For what? when u dont deserve any of this. Like i said. Life sucks and is unfair, but we just have to deal with it every fucking single day.

Finally!

Been coming on to write so many times but the stupid website for some apparent reason has been down. Oh well as usual i go to camp on mon and tue and from wed till the following monday im out. My dvds from JB was suppose to arrive yest, the guy came but we werent free when we called him again his phone is off. If only i had the dvds then i need not find a way to entertain myself or past time. Got a whole shit load of them plus ive been playing all the games that i bought aswell. Thats a good sign, hopefully i can save money this way. Cant seem to find a place where we can watch the Man United vs Chelsea game. Doubt will do anything till late. Cant wait for my cousins to come down. After 2 years they are finally back. Staying for 3months plus and hopefully mite be good. Thats what they said. At least then i wont be as bored. Can occupy my time with them around.

Why is the world so fucking small?

You think your ok and then you see or hear something that makes you upset and it starts all over again. This because the world is so fucking small. No matter how much you try to not see someone, youll see that person. So i advice you all my friends and blog readers, dont try to hide. Because the more you hide or avoid someone. The more likely you'll see the person. Mood swings. Always have it and never stop having it. Only at times it gets worse. I tot i was ok, but something made me realise im not and i dont know why im not. Its a sucky feeling when your doing well and find out something that most likely you dont want to know. People will say "deal with it" or "take it as it comes" but it aint so easy. I know how it feels, so maybe next time ill prepare myself for the worst. So that i wont feel so shitty the next time round

Family

Its sad to say that im not close to anyone in my family anymore. Barely talk to my sister or brother, always quarreling with the parents. Dont like to be at home most of the time. When im at home im either in my room or asleep. Kind of wonder hw it became like this. I use to be so organised like everything in order and stuff, now im too lazy or just down right messy. Things have changed, for me its not for the better. My dad's bday at home recently, didnt do much talking. Just sit down and eat. Use to joke and talk and tell them about stuff. Dont do that anymore. I think ive still got alot bottled up inside of me and have yet to let it out and talk to anyone. Have yet to be able to open up. I actually kind of feel better keeping things to myself. Its better that nobody knows the true you or the real you rather. You never know who you can trust nowdays. You know how when youve got lots to whine or in trouble and you can turn to someone and talk or ask for advice. I use to have that friend but not anymore. And i can say ive been doing rather good not talking so much about whats going on. Just always put on the joker front and let everybody think your happy and make them all laugh and smile. Its kind of sad when u see other people close to their families and friends and you dont have that with your own. But i only blame myself for blocking people out. And oh well. thats life. just people making mistakes and not learning..just repeating them.

FAT!!!

So people have been saying that ive been putting on weight and that if i dont control myself that ill get out of hand. Thankfully enough im cautious and i stopped all my eating habits, dont snack, dont eat like chocs and oily food and all that stuff so often. Maybe i should take out my wisdom tooth then ill eat less and lose fast. But the good thing is that ive been exercising. Not as much as i used to. All my rollerblading kakis are too busy and either cant wake up. I have yet to do that for a long time. Use to go alone. But nowdays dont anymore. Maybe i should start doing it again. But cant seem to get up since my bodyclock is all spoiled. Sleep like around 8am in the morning, how to get back to the usual stuff. And always up awake tossing and turning when im bed. Maybe thats why ive put on weight, irregular sleeping hours, From now on its back to my old diet of healthy food and cutting down on my meals. Maybe then ill lose a tiny bit of weight.

April!!

Havent been here for quite some time. hah..Mainly kind of busy or when i finally get home im too tired to type anything. Well April has been a realtively good month overall. My unit went to Taiwan for overseas training and i was in Singapore as usual. I asked to be brought along but they didnt want to bring me as they thought i would be a liability to them. Josh bday just passed and it was quite fun. He had a chalet and that was madness. As usual like always, he stripped himself and went crazy. And its not a party if Josh doesnt destroy something or someone. So he had to at least punch Jerry. He needed stitches and i brought him to Changi General Hospital to get it done. Overall i think he enjoyed himself and after what happened i think he deserves a that.

Have been playing soccer regularly even though the hernia hurts badly.Like they say, you.ve only got 1 life so you got to make the best out of it. And perhaps thats another way to pass time and not spend so much money. And its healthy. For most people except me, because ill be in pain.

Busy nowdays watching dvds or just going out and hanging around doing nothing. Thats been the life for the past few months recently. Nothing exciting if you guys would want to know.

I Drankk The Pub Dry

Father Flanagans has closed, Yesterday 21st April was our last day in business for sometime. It was a crazy night. So busy that from 6pm till 2am i could barely rest. Had to take 4 pain killers to go thru the day. It was so busy, had runaway bills had unreasonable customers had nonsenscial people, mainly my friends. Glasses Broke, People Puked, Money Earned,Big Tips. This because all drinks were going at $10 and everyone made their money worth. Gave away a few drinks or alot of drink rather. Many wrong orders had to drink them myself. It became all crazy when drinks were on the house from 11am till closing. Everyone went wild. And thank god most people were in good spirits and understood the situation.

Its a pity that the place is closing down thougg, was actually kind of fun working there, got to know the staff better started to talk more to them and could actually spend my weekends doing something postive and need not go out. Maybe ill go over to BQ bar, one of their co-ownership, or maybe ill find somewhere else to work. But then again the atmosphere of the place has been good and the staff has been very accomodative. Many people from other pubs and bars said the said thing. Oh well at least i still can meet up with them on other days to go wherever.

Well ive worked at father flanagans for 6months and it was a good experience and good place to be at. Hopefully it wil re-open again soon.

I have a wall you cannot see
Because it's deep inside of me.
It blocks my heart on every side
And helps emotions there to hide.
You can't reach in,
I can't reach out,
You wonder what it's all about.

The wall i built that you can't see
Results from insecurity.
Each time my tender heart was hurt
The scars within grew worse and worse.
So stone by stone,
I built a wall,
That's now so thick it will not fall

Please understand that it's not you-
Continue trying to break through.
I want so much to show myself
And love from you will really help.

So bit by bit,
Chip at my wall
Till stone by stone it starts to fall.

I know the process will be slow-
It's never easy to let go
Of hurts and failures long ingrained
Upon one's heart from years of pain.
I's so afraid
To let you in;
I know i might get hurt again.

I try so hard to break the wall
But seem to get nowhere at all
For stone upon each stone i've stacked,
And left between then not a crack.
The only way
To make it fall is imperfections in the wall.

I did the best i could to build
A perfect wall, but there are still
A few small flaws, which are the key
To breaking through the wall to me.
Please use each flaw
To cause a crack
To knock a stone off of the stack.

Easter Sunday

Finally the 40 days of abstaining from meat is over. I actually managed to do it, for forty days i didnt touch or eat any kind of meat. I was on a vegetarian diet and it wasnt that bad. I manage to do it even with my friends and family memebers having meat for meals all the time. At times my mum would forget and cook something for me with meat in it and i just manage to resist the temptation and dont eat. But somehow i dont feel as good as or dont feel like ive achieved something by doing eat. Although i did it for a good cause.

Anyways had dinner on sunday where family members and some of the inlaws came over. Wasnt very chatty with any of them, maybe because i havent been around much to talk about stuff. Somehow everyone who saw me kept asking me wether i was ok and if i needed to talk i can talk to them. Felt weird.

My aunt from America called and finally after nearly 8 months i manage to talk to her. She did the same thing, asked if i was ok and needed someone to talk to. She said when her husband visited and went back he told her that he noticed that i didnt talk much and that i was not my usual self. She talked to me and told me how her kids misses me and that they will be here next month. She said that they always talk about us here and cant wait to come down. I cant wait to see them as well. She asked if i was just saying that im ok or wether i really am ok. I dont know that answer myself. She asked if i was happy. And i told her the truth. That im not.

Sometimes happiness has been missing in your life for such a long time that you forget how it is to be happy. You forget the feeling of happiness in you. You see people around you happy and your happy for them but only wish it could be you being happy. I've lost the feeling of happiness and lost the feeling of joy in me. I can do stuff and make people happy which i always do, but i dont feel the same like before. Recently my cousin has been staying over and ive been buying for her gifts and bringing her out and playing with her and doing all sorts of things for her. Which dont get me wrong, i love to do but somehow the feeling is different.

I've yet to let anyone know how i really feel. No one that i know of who can listen and understand and advice. When i do find that person. It'll be good to be able to open up rather than keeping things all bottled inside.

From easter being a happy occasion of celebrating and being happy, only i can make it turn sour.

Good Friday!!

Was suppose to be mourning or rather somewhat like not enjoying yourself but was a diff thing altogether. After going to church, came home and changed and met the rest of them as they were going jb. Kind of a big group 15 people. Quite fun having such a big group nearly every1 was there except for those who were working. I already sinned so i mite as well sin all the way instead of holding back. Went over for just a short while after that we came back and all of us headed over to regency house, one of our friends service apartments. Stayed over till morning before heading to church again.The service apartment was quite nice, infact very nice. No one dared to destroy anything or mess the place up. Haha for once everyone gave a damn. Oh well at least i maximized my weekend even with my eye like that and even though i look like Rocky. Should do different stuff more often so that we can liven up our life, or entertain ourselves.

Swollen Eye

My eye is swollen. And its damn bad and i can barely open my eye. The top of the left eye. Anyone or everyone who sees me will ask what happend to my eye. Cant sleep cant stay awake, cant do anything. One by one im getting all the diffrent kind of illness. And this time i get it during the long weekend, how lucky am i. Haiz some people have just no luck at all. Anyways i seriously have to go to see a doctor for the eye thing, before something starts to grow. 2 of my friends had eye infections recently. And they said treat it while it aint so bad yet. Anyway cant rite much hurting badly. Will write more soon

Fruitful Weekend.

The past weekend was good, actually did something positive. A few of us manage to get up early and make our way to the beach to rollerblade and cycle. It was actually quite fun with such a group. There were about 6-8 of us and we manage to go quite abit and no one held any1 back. Its feels good to do something healthy and diffrent for a change. Finally ive found new rollerblading kaki's. Though it still hurts badly when i blade or cycle or exercise, ill still do it anyway. I enjoy it and now there are few more people who want to do it aswell. It would have been fun if some others were there, maybe next time round. Or can go on diffrent days.Or even twice a week. Next week though the plans are diffrent, but it sounds fun. Thank god you people enjoy outdoor activities. haha. Oh well till the next outdoor activity, please dont tua, lets do this regularly.

Relationships..

Life is never easy going it always has its ups and downs, but somehow or another life is in such a way that when your on the upside and things are going well for you, somethings is bound to happen so that your will be on the down side. Is it a test?wether we are able to handle it or isit just meant to happen so that we have a bigger brighter future ahead of us. You never know. In circumstances like these, you never know what to do, you never know whats best for you. Your afraid that if you choose one, it mite be a mistake and regret it.

Relationships are not easy neither are they hard. As long as 2 are happy and when i say happy i mean really happy then you will do things more postively. But of coz not all realtionships last. Some people get tired of their other half. Some start to ponder wether they still love them as strongly as before. Others give excuses because they cant cope with the demands or just plain simply want out.

When it ends, one of you are bound to be more hurt than the other. And your thoughts will run wildly. You will start to think of all the craziest possible things that you can think of. Why did it happen? What went wrong?What did i do? Did i not do enough? its common for all these thoughts and when you hurt badly and have free time it takes like forever to heal.

Many people will give you phrases like "it its meant to be,its meant to be" or " if you love the person let him/her go and if he/she comes back then she's the one" and many others but its simple. I may not be an expert in relationships, but its simple as if the person is willing to at least fight for you or fight to slavage something i feel its already something good. Because after all many people nowdays just give up without a fight or just plainly give excuses which may be valid but then again they are excuses.

How isit that we can always give advice to people but never seem to take our own? Ever had a situation that you were in and asked someone for advice, only for the next time when your friend is in a situation to ask you the same thing and you give advice. Its good to seek advice from others, but it will be better if you take the advice of others and what you would tell others if they were in the situation. How to handle a situation? or How to get through with it?Every setback is hard to take and at times you cant handle it alone. Thats why you always have people around who you can talk to. People who care. They may not show it but silently they do. They actually give a shit. Don't feel like everything is against you and that the whole world is going wrong. Because it isnt, its just a small setback.

Misinterpreting things is very common nowdays. And it always happens when people start to assume stuff. For instance, after a break up your sad and depressed and your other half is out with friends and somehow you manage to find out that he/she isnt feeling that sad and actually having fun. You start to get angry and hurt even more. But did you stop to think that maybe the same could be for you. That you go meet your friends because you dont want to be lonely and then they do stuff that cheer you up and make you feel a little better for that short moment of time. Its common to feel better when your out and suddenly, you go back to square 1 and feel all shitty when your home or alone.

They say time heals everything. So occupy your time with something. Try not to keep yourself to free to think about stuff. Do whatever makes you happy even if you've got no mood. TRY!!!. Eventually everything will be ok or better.

**I wrote this post for someone. To help that person and hopefully it will help her to get over it easily.You know who you are.

Like i said, its easy to give advice. But can you take your own advice? I doubt i ever did any of those stuff i just wrote and i'm not sure how much of it ill do. Don't be like me. Go one better.

Happinss cannot come from without.
It must come from within.

Remeber That?

I was sitting around doing nothing when suddenly i realised that i wrote down in my blog early this year a few of my new years resoultions which i intend to fullfill. Sadly i havent been keeping up to any of them. Hey at least i realised it. Its not that im not doing stuff to keep to them, its just that sometimes things dont click. Oh well the only 2 0r 3 i have been keeping to is Not taking so much, not judging people and earning money. Though its still not enough, at leat im trying. I guess i should start to work on the others pretty soon. Only 3 months of the year have gone, close to 4 but still is early. I know i still can do something about it. And yeah ill do something pretty damn soon. Kind of getting tired of having too much free time and my mind running crazy on me. Wanted to go to the library today to borrow a few books, but thank god i called in before leaving because all the books i wanted were out on loan. At least i managed to reserve it 1st and then they'll let me know when its ready. Been wanting to read these books for quite some time already. Just yet to get them. And now when ive got time to go and get them, They are not in. Thats always the case for everything. Oh well thats life. Nothing much we can do about it anyway rite.

Good Memory Sucks Sometime

Sometimes i hate the fact that ive got a very good memory, This doesnt help when because i remember stuff which ermm lets just say isnt so happy. Oh well will just have to try and forget it..all though have tried many times before and it doesnt seem to work. Went to doctors again today. This is for the pain in the back that ive been having, explained to him where it has been hurting and when it hurts. He advised that i should stop most of my activities and do some back strenghtening exercising like swimming and rowing. So looks like no more blading for me. I doubt ill go swimming because not really very good at it plus it will get kind of boring. I think ill take up rowing or kayaching after all i do have a cert for that. Maybe can do it on sunday mornings or satday mornings. Will be able to get a good work out aswell.

Tired

I'm so so so god damn tired that i cant do anything. I can barely move my body my head is spinning and i havent eaten anything yet. Sometimes i wonder if that you are meant to wake up and feel like shit. I'm so tired an had a very very tiring weekend but then again when i woke up just know knowing that ive got to do stuff, i wake up feeling like shit and dreaming of something that its the last thing i want to dream of.It kind of irritates you when it happens over and over and over again.People say that its good to dream, but its not good to dream about stuff that makes you shitty.Well now im awake and i cant be bothered if i dont sleep, not sleeping is better when you no need to wake up and feel like shit. Suddenly i feel so angry all over again, feel like i need to vent my anger on something. As usual once again. Lots of pimples are out. The outbreak is pretty bad and ermm putting on weight as usual. I should go back to my old routine where i can be so disciplined when it comes to eat sleep and everything. So that i can live a healthy lifestyle for some time.I'm just sick and tired of everything. Ask me if you need to know but im really sick and tired of everything and alot of things. Once again the cycle starts. Haiz

Untitled

My medical review today was ok, they didnt really tell me what i wanted to hear or give me much adivce. Just talked about the same old stuff and i repeated the same old stuff and told me to come back for a review in 2-3 weeks time. The dvds from JB have finally arrived, another batch will be coming in on tue or wed. It came at a good time. When i have trpuble walking and have to be in camp alot nowdays to finish up work, it did come at a very good time. For once the timing is near to perfect. Im on mc tdy and tmr which is a good thing, i get to stay home and rest. On sat and sun i volunteered myself to do some charity work which is a good thing, havent done something nice or good for a long time. Thought that ill do something nice for a change, even if its for people i dont know.

Sleep better nowdays, maybe its because of the painkillers and the medication ive been taking. And also the healthy life ive been living. Eating regularly, eating healthy, not keeping so many late nights and so on. Tmr will be going over to Jill's place to burn some stuff, movies music series and so on. All these are needed to pass time easier and pass time faster. Cant believe that good friday is less than 2 weeks away. This is a good thing of coz, i have yet to eat meat for 4 weeks.Body feels week at times but oh well i gave it up at least i didnt succumb to any temptation and am keeping to my word. Maybe next time i should start to abstain from other stuff aswell. This could be a test of good things to come. Though i cant wait to eat meat, i can do without it aswell. If someone asked me to be vegetarian for another month, i think ill be able to do it and will cope well. Mind you, im not like a vulture waiting to pounce on any meat i see. Im willing to wait because i realised that my willpower is stonger than i actually knew.

There's this book which i was reading at Lawlor's house one night i was there which was qutie intresting. Kind of forgot the name but thank fully Kelly remembered when i asked her. Seems like a good book, i think before i head down to Jill's house tmr, ill go drop by the library and see if i can get it. If its not there at least i made a trip to do something positive and erm maybe i could search for some other book which interest me.

JB Again.

Went JB again today. This time we did a fast one. We went over got our dvds, manage to find the korean drama serials that are good and many other good shows.Bought about 20 dvds. Im like a major pirate. After that we walked around ate. And boy did we have a damn good meal. First time after so long that im satisfied with what i eat. Had pain while walking ard there, lucky i brought my medication along. Sometimes the pain is so bad. Even my friends can like feel for me. Am in a lot of discomfort nowdays. No more soccer and all the sports activities that i love to do for a long long time. Sad though. Love the outdoors and love sports. Nw i cant do anything at all. This time round i was satisfied with what i got and my trip there. This time round we didnt get check when we came back. Maybe because Faith was sitting in front and she looked like a good girl and i took off my hat and combed my hair to look like a nerd..haha...not going back there for another month.Just cant wait to get my dvds. Then i can just stay at home and watch tv all the time.ahah

Cafe Del Mar

Have been working the past week and not doing any vigrous activites. Nothing at all. Kind of thought ill stay away from them since my hernia hurts quite badly. So after work on Friday i headed home before changing went to meet my aunt and uncle, before heading down to Cafe Del Mar. I took a cab from somerset all the way in because by the time it was already 2am. Was suppose to go there because Lawlor was celebrating his bday there and he kind of booked the jacuzzi and all. The taxi ride was quite good and took some time. But the most shocking thing was how when i got out of the taxi i couldnt stand. My hernia was too painful for me to stand. I had to sit by the side of the road for nearly 20mins before i could walk again. Kind of worried because i was sitting down before that and didnt do any like vigrous activities. Walked down to cafe del mar, not everyone was there. Some had already left. Maybe because it was like 2am in the morning. Was sitting on the sofa and kind of didnt move around so much, everyone was wondering why i didnt talk so much or wasnt in my normal kind of mood. Then when faith asked i eventually told her. And she was like "OH so you really are injured..those MC's are not for nothing.." ahaha. It wasnt at fun at cafe del mar, maybe because it was humid and kind of waited for something to happen or other plans. I think the best part of the nite was when i walked by the beach with liwen. Was hell of a lot cooler. And its good to catch up with close friends. After all she is my gossip and whiner buddy. haha. When home eventually because the pain was unbearable. Getting worst nowdays, hopefully they can find a cure soon. The pain killers are of no use. Doesnt help. I still feel the pain.Every Single Day. But i dont show it . Just take it quietly, not wanting to worry anyone.

Someone To Talk to.. Where am i heading in life?

I've had the idea that i wanted to be a chef and open a restaurant but i dont think thats what i want to do anymore. Maybe i keep telling myself that i want to do that so i kind of think that i want that to happen. Actually I dont know what i want to be in life. I dont know what i want to do, what i have in store for me in life. I havent cooked anything for a very long time. Its like i dont have the passion to cook. I mean i used to be able to cook just out of the blue make something or want to cook something, but now i dont do that anymore. And even if you asked me to cook, i doubt it will be good. I have intrest in many diffrent things just yet to figure out what i really want to do. Kind of sad and worrying, 20 years old and still dont know what you want to do with your life. Only blame myself though. If i studied harder when i was in pri and sec school i would roughly know what i want to do.

Been on MC the past few days because of my injury and sad to say i feel lonelier than in camp.I mean in camp i dont have that many frens and dont talk to people that much but at home on MC, its not much of a diff. I sleep i wake up and i use the computer. Not everyone is always available to chat or meet up for coffee. When you call a number of your friends and they all arent free, then you know that the day you wont meet anybody. Nowdays i spent lots of my time at bookstores, reading on books that intrest me, and going for quiet walkes. You know sometimes you just want to call someone and talk to and tell them whats on your mind whats bothering you and like just talk.Well, havent had like anyone to do that to. At first i called people. Diffrent people but no one answered the phone or didnt have time. Then i just stop calling. Just keep it to myself and just keep it inside of me. Ive learnt to spend time alone and be alone.Maybe too much that sometimes i dont want to be around people even if they are my frens. I do have alot of anger and other emotions inside me that i cant let out, or rather i choose not to let out. Oh well. Its nice to have someone to talk to, but if you dont its ok, learnt to cope with what you've got. Dont be surprise by my lack of communication nowdays.

More Than Anyone

You need a friend
I'll be around
Don't let this end
Before I see you again
What can I say to convince you
To change your mind of me?

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Look in my eyes, what do you see?
Not just the color
Look inside of me
Tell me all you need and I will try
I will try

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Free for you, whenever you need
We'll be free together, baby
Free together, baby

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Bad News

So i went for my medical appointment today just hoping to get everything solved and hopefully a status slip which i can produce to excuse me from physical training in camp because of the pain ive been having over the past few months. I got news that i didnt really want to hear. Was talking to the doctor and explaining to him about what has been going on, he was very friendly and paid lots of attention to my case, he was able to answer all my questions. Then the senior doctor came and told me that the pain has been caused because a nerve has been reacting wrongly after the stitch during the operation. So she said that she was going to inject something into the bone under the operation wound. While examining me just before the injection, she told me to relax and not be so tense and as usual i reacted like how i usually do. I got giddy and close to passing out but i controlled myself and felt like puking but had to control all this. After the jab the pain felt a little better, but i still felt as giddy and felt that same feeling, so i sat in the hospital for about half an hour before i could bring myself to walk home. It seems i have to go back in 2 weeks to get another jab. From then on im not sure if i have to keep on getting jabs regularly.

So at night my had some overseas guest in town, so they wanted to bring them to lau pa sat to eat. The plan was to walk down to maxwell market from my house and then take a cab dwn once we meet my aunt. I could barely make it to maxwell which is down slope and like just less than 10mins walk. I had to ask my mum and dad to stop and take a cab. Came home and now while using the computer keep getting the sharp pains. Cant walk with that much ease. Cant walk around too much will hurt. The area around the wound is swalloen aswell. Back on all the medications and pain killers again. Haiz, hope 1 day ill be able to be as fit as i was before and hopefully the pain will eventually go away.

When life comes rushing at you from out of darkness,
Who would you choose to face it with.
Will it be someone you trust
Will they be wise
And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light.
Or will they lose their way in the darkness
Will they make noble choices
Or will that person be someone untested,
Someone new.
Life comes rushing at us from out of the darkness
When it does, is there someone in your life that you can count on
Someone who will watch over you when you stumble and fall.
And in that moment,give you the strength to face your fears alone.

Try to Sleep Now

Went for bbq 21st bday party just now. Helped out with getting the fire started and helped cooked the food though i couldnt eat them. Sat around talking to friends havent seen for a long time. Was good catching up with them and seeing how their doing. Seems that most people have a plan in life. Thats good to see.Eventually came back around 2+am. Was kind of tired but as usual couldnt sleep. Walked up and down and up and down, switched the tv on and off so many times. Eventually stayed up watching soccer hoping that i would fall asleep but to no avail. Was up all the way till 6.45am. That was when i eventually got tired and lay on my bed for a while. Slept for barely an hr and was up again. I think i have to tire my body out completly 1 day. Then ill be able to completly sleep with peace. Have yet to have an undisturbed sleep for months.

Have you ever wondered what marks our timing,
If one life can really make an impact on the world
Or if the choices we make matter
Sometimes in order to move forward,you have to go back.
In this case, just a few minutes

JB

Finally after so so long i managed to get out of the country even if it was jb. Felt good just to get out of the country. Not many of us went down this time, only 4 compared to 7 the last time round. Travelling was easy just 1 cab. Didnt really manage to get that many dvds this time round, this because all the shops were raided during the chinese new year period. Still was able to buy quite abit, although i came prepared with a whole list of 30+dvds. Manage to buy dunkin' donuts home aswell. Once again we got checked at the checkpoint even though we all looked quite decent. Maybe its me. I was sitting infront thats why. They checked me like i was some kind of criminal opened my wallet and checked all the compartments and made me throw away my gum. Spent like 3mins destoying of it. Maybe its just random protocol. But then again maybe they know that we frequent the place. Anyways was good to do something diffrent and get away from here. Cant wait for my dvds to be sent over.

Nothing to Say

So i havent been really myself lately.As in havent been really the person i want to be, always quiet and revered.At times try to hard to make happy.When you do that, you actually remind yourself of how unhappy you are. Have been doing some thinking lately and been searching up alot on diffrent types of stuff. A lot of stuff interest me nowdays, just searching to see what really im intrested in. So im not going to taiwan after much asking. Im staying in this shit hole of singapore at least i can work an make some extra cash. Speaking of which, ive yet to buy myself any thing new since ive had the extra cash. Maybe next month. Army is still the same thing. Same shit diff day, doesnt get any better though. Fasting has been good, didnt succumb to any temptations and havent eaten meat and more than 1 meal for about 2 weeks now.4 more weeks to go and im done. Well nothing much really to say or talk about. Have thoughts on my mind, but always not at the computer when i want to pend them down. Lucky ive got my organiser.Going to try and sleep now. Not that tired though.

There comes a time when every life goes off course,

in this desperate moment, who will you be?

Will you let down your defrences and find solace in someone less expected

Will you reach out

Will you face your greatest fears bravely and move forward with faith

Or will you succumb to the darkness of your soul

Feburary

Feburary is over, short and not so sweet. Time passes quickly nowdays. If there's one thing that we cant get back, is time. Oh well feburary has been relatively ok. Nothing much happened that i should go crazy about. Just the same old same old. Like i said life is monotonous, every month passes by and every month is the same fucking old thing. Dont have anything exciting to be happy about. So how was february for the rest of you guys. To me its just another month passing going for peoples bdays showing up trying to make the most of it. Now march is here, another long month ahead.Cant wait to get over and done with. Overall i can say feburary was quite bad for me. Didnt really have that many happy days, plus had that many days that i didnt want around. Hopefully march will be better. To all the feburary babies, once again Happy Birthday. Hope you enjoyed yourselves.

Feburary Babies : Mark,Kenneth,Liwen,Manu,Mel(huiling) and Dino.

Fasting

In the church calender is the season of lent, which means that uve got to give up something for 40days if u want. Normally i dont do anything like dont give up or abstain from anything but this year i am. Its said that if u give up something for yourself so that someone else will gain its a good thing. This year im giving up meat and fasting for 40days. Which means, i wont eat meat for 40days and i wont have more than 1 meal a day for 40days. Im doing this for someone else to gain. Just willing to see wether ill be able to really keep to my vow. So far since wednesday, the start of it all ive been doing good. Just got till 6 April. I dont see it as a burden or dont mind that its kind of long. Good to test how determined i am and how long i can keep up to my word. You never know, good things mite happen for me aswell.

Sleep Disorder

Have been having irregular sleeping times, or dont sleep at all. Two days didnt sleep, just tossed and turned and tossed and turned. Tried to tire myself out by playing games or watching tv so that my eyes would be tired, but didnt work. Got off my bed and walked around the house like nearly ten times in the middle of the night. Switched on and off my television set too many times. Scrolled through all the chanels. Theres nothing nice on nowdays. So just watched my dvds over and over again.

Yest was worse, tossed and turned in bed till 6.30am. Haiz. Going to see someone about this. Oh yeah my meals have been cut down to 1 meal a day. Can barely eat more than that. Dont snack as much. Chocs and Chips and Cookies dont appeal to me anymore, so does rice or noodles. Had enough of that stuff. So yeah. Trying to slep but its 3.30 and im still awake..isnt it a wonder why.Soon this problem will be solved

Take Care. Please

Read the newpaper just now, and the headline was about a guy who went missing while wanting to learn how to dive. This is for my bestfriend(you know who you are).Please, please,please take care of yourself. Havent really heard or seen you, but the last i remember that you wanted to learn diving and that you were quite keen on in. Being very sporty and outdoor from what i know you're sure to take up courses.Dont know if you've started them though. If you did. Please take good care of yourself,make sure you have a good partner with you and make sure you learn everything properly.Double check if you need with the instructor. Be careful.Very careful.
Its a dangerous and diffrent hobbie, but fun aswell. But still.
I cant afford to lose you as a friend. Take care of yourself when your out there. Will be praying for your well being like always.

Happy Chinese New Year

It hurts when you know that there is a person out there who silently cares for you. I mean it in a good way.Haiz chinese new year this year has been down rite boring for me.Boring and lonely. 5days holiday but ive got at least 9. On somedays it was really very boring. Same monotonous life over. Struggle to sleep wake up laze ard struggle to sleep wake up laze ard. I havent been out to like the town area or anywhere in the day. Havent seen or walked down the shops or bought any new clothes. Don't enjoy going out as much, would rather stay at home and sleep or watch dvds, or korean drama serials or other nice series shows. Been spending lots of time in my room lately. Reading.writing, sleeping of course. Keep thinking of redoing my whole room. Maybe in march. Once everyone leaves for taiwan(i want to go to, asked them to bring me along but they havent told me yet) need to get out of this shit hole of a country. There isnt anything to do.Drinking,Clubbing,Movies,Slacking. Im bored of that. All of it. Told my frens that as long as their clubbing dont call me. Im out.Waste of time and money. Ive got a plan, and i know what i'm going to do. No one knows except me. Just that with all the problems kind of hard to succeed. There's kind of alot of stuff that im just putting on hold to do. Waiting for the right time. Soon,hopefully i can get everything done. Its a good distractuion though. Rather than always feeling the same thing day in day out. Been months and still screwed up as usual.

Painful

Woke up today kind of in a good mood, thought i could finally go rollerblading after so long, plus its the holidays and have a long weekend but couldnt go in the end.Couldnt go because i could barely get out of bed, couldnt even stand. My hernia was hurting to a point that when i stand i had to immediately sit. So that was canceled. And i doubt im going tmr also.Had to lie in bed for nearly an hour before i could actually walk with less pain in me. Didnt tell anyone at home about it, because didnt really want them to worry so much knowing they will panic. Eventually was better but had to take 3 diffrent kind of pain killers, which still didnt stop the pain completly. Sometimes i wonder, what was it i did that i have to be in so much pain, I didnt or rather havent been doing anything wrong the past few days. Havent seen that much of the friends, dont say much to them, so how can i wrong do anybody. Or is it like a plan that im suppose to suffer now and then the later years of my life ill be having a good one. Well lets just see how things work out. Just looks like ill be having to take those pills all over again. Ill know if i forget to take them, the pain will be unbearable. And me being a hero and all wont show it, but will just take it.

Break, Breakdown

Had a bad emotional nite yest. Came home and watched some shows online after that while lying on my bed it hit me bad. Was just lying there suddenly everything came rushing at a go. It was about 3.30am in the morning and this was so called one of the worst nites ive had for the past few months. You know the feeling when you have to let go of something or leave something, this was worst. Very Very painful. Dont ask me why it was yest i dont know as well, but it was very very painful. I needed to just talk to someone or needed a listening ear, but for the first time, when i i picked up my phone i had no one to call. No one that i was sure will pick up the phone and keep me company for that short while or to give me some advice that i need. Eventually i just lay in bed and handled it by myself tossing and turning till i eventually fell asleep at around 6am. Woke up today with puffy eyes and kind of red. Lucky nobody noticed. Chest kind of hurting after last nite, couldnt really breath that well kept coughing non stop. The eyes are actually hurting more, cant stop rubbing. Thankfully last nite was over. I hope it doesnt happen again. It hasn't happened for a long time and its kind of akward that it happened again yest. I hope today will be a better day

Untitled

Its funny, i can go through the whole day thoughtless. Not a single thought on my mind. When i try to think of something, it always leads back to that 1 thing. I dont know how it is that i can wake up day after day with the same feeling in me. The same feeling that you dont want to feel but yet you cant help yourself from feeling it. Try as i might to get the feeling out of me, its hard but not impossible. Just takes longer than usual.

I wake up at home and barely talk. My conversations are always "Ah" "Erm" "Ok". Its not that i dont want to talk. Im trying my best to talk about something, but ive got nothing. Me of all people have barely nothing to speak to people about nowdays. I would rather stay home and watch tv or sleep than go out and stay out the late nights. Its happened for the past two weekends, trying to make it a regular thing. This way i get to save $$$ and live a healthy lifestyle. Can leave the mornings for my exersice or my walks or going to that happy place to read my book.

Life will be alot more simpler that way, not many complications, nothing much to worry about or rather to take your mind of what your worrying about. Everyone has problems. Its just how they face it.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads.
Afraid.Confused.Without a roadmap.
The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.
Of course when face with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn back.
But once in a while people push on to something better.
Something beoynd the pain of goin it alone.
And just beyond the bravery and courage that it takes to let someone in.
Or to give someone a second chance.
Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream.
Because its only when your tested that you truly discover who you are.
And its only when your tested that you discover who you can be.
The person you want to be does exist.
Somewhere on the other side of hardwork,faith,belief.
From beoynd heartache and fear what lies ahead.

I Hate Valentines Day

Valentines Day, 14th Feb the day supposedly for everyone in the wold or the entire planet to celebrate love.Love? whats is love? is there such thing as true love? The answer there isnt. For if there is someone who can come up to me and show me that they have found true love.And explain to me what it is then ill start believing again. Until then i think im right when i say there isnt true love

I for one, hate valentines day. In my whole 20years of being alive, only once have i had someone with me on this day.Thankfully enough that one time i did all i could at that time on the so called "special day". I say thankfully because you never know when you will get to do it again. I always dread this day because you can always see how happy all other couples are and how they go out of the way to show their love for each other.That just reminds you of the something that you dont have. So no point going out and noticing all this stuff that makes you feel worse. I was always envious of everyone who got to celebrate valentines day. And i still am. Whats the use of going out with someone just for the sake of going out when you dont have feelings or dont even like the person.

I hate valentines day beacause people only do extremly nice stuff for their other halfs on this day and not on other days. They should instead do nice stuffs everytime they feel like every once in a while. Then again people are also to stupid to appreciate what they have. Thank god Valentines day is only one day...not like valentines week or something.

To all you people going out on this day i wish you all a Happy Valentines Day. Dont do the same for me because for me it isnt a happy day. Ive grown to hate this day. Had it once and then i dont have it again.

"To have it half way, is worse than not having at all."

People

wiPeople always leave?They leave for studies, they leave for long holidays, they leave the planet, they migrate to other countries, they leave you completley. Im tired of people leaving. For where and what reason i dont care, people always leave and it sucks. Thats why its good to get close to people whom you know wont leave. Whats the use of getting close to someone who will leave you eventually, then you've got the feeling of emptiness in you or longing for that someone.

People always leave, but sometimes they comeback. I use to believe that but now i believe in People always leave, and they never comeback.


There are six billion souls in the world today,
some are running scared
sme are coming home
some tell lies to make it thorugh the day
others are just now facing the truth
some are evil men at war with good
some are good struglling with evil
six billion souls in the world,
sometimes all you need is one.

Sunday Blues

Stayed at home the whole day, woke up only at 4+ in the afternoon and walked around the house, then went to use the com for a while and went back to sleep again. Woke up again watched tv and went back to sleep again. Woke up ate dinner and sleep again.Im actually quite tired now but im forcing myself to stay awake. I actually feel kind of good sleeping the weekend away. Seeing as ive nothing much to do, id rather sleep in and dont spend any cash then go out and waste $$ spending it on the unnecessary stuff. Its a good thing i can sleep alot nowdays, althought i feel that when i sleep im wasting my life away.But then again there isnt anything on tv, there isnt anywhere to go and not that many people to talk to so yeah. Id rather sleep. Why sit around and wait for plans to be made when in the end there can be no plans at all?Just do as you please and if there's plans then choose to go ahead. Life is about making choices. We always tend to make the wrong choice.

Stay Home Saturday

This week at least 3 people told me to go and lose some weight, indirectly telling me that im fat. Havent gone rollerblading for a while or rather for a long time, this because had to be in camp the past few satdays, although this week i wasnt in camp, i should start rollerblading once again. Brings me a sense of peace and quiet and actually helps me clear my mind.

Once again the weekends are like before, getting dull and boring and nowhere to go. Sitting around waiting for plans till you realise there arent any. I need to find someone on the same wavelength as me. I felt like going to the beach in the afternoon and sitting under the sun and having a cool margarita seeing as the wether was hot yet windy, but i dropped the idea knowing that no one will be up for it. I just need 1 person thats all. Asked around for people who wants to go to jb, all said yes yes but in the end nobody again wants to go. I came up with ideas like going rockclimbing, hiking, fishing, kayacking, paintball, mountain biking and so much more. But no go for most of them. Looks like i like a whole bunch of diffrent stuff from them. Like i said i need to find people on the same wavelength as me, or rather people who enjoy doing these stuff. Use to have some of them who liked doing these stuff but now all of them arent free. Going to look out and ask around maybe ill get to meet new people who likes what i like. To the rest enjoy your saturday, as usual mine is wasted again. Come out of camp and expect to do stuff but once again end up doing nothing. Life is unfair.

Pimples & Sleepless Nites

Its back, both of them. Im having lots of pimples all over my face especially my forehead. The outbreak is bad. I know why im getting them but then again i dont know how to get rid of them. Sleepless Nites once again. Hai i thought this was over. Started all over again with me tossing and turning in bed till 3-4am by the time i actually sleep its for less than 2 hours and then ive got to get up. Have to resort to taking the medication that makes me drowsy so that i can go to sleep. To all you people who can sleep like there is no tmr, I hate you guys. Appetite has gone down as well, thats a good thing seeing as im quite fat.Hopefully ill be able to lose weight this month, skip the breakfeast and lunch as usual and juz have abit of dinner. And on weekends no supper. But its hard to not go for supper when you cant sleep at night. Going to see how long this sleepless nites go on before i go and see a doctor about it. Its about time i rectify the problem and see whats wrong with me. Till then for all of you who cant sleep i know how you feel..Too bad maybe you should go through half of what im going through. I have no sympathy for you because if i have to suffer so do you.

Just To See You Smile

You always had an eye for things that glittered
But I was far from bein made of gold
I dont know how that I scraped up the money
I just never could quite tell you no
Just like when you were leavin amarillo
To take that new job in tennessee
And I quit mine so we could be together
I cant forget the way you looked at me

Just to see you smile
Id do anything
That you wanted me to
And all is said and done
Id never count the cost
Its worth all thats lost
Just to see you smile

When you said time was all you really needed
I walked away and let you have your space
Cuz leavin didnt hurt me near as badly
As the tears I saw rollin down your face
And yesterday I knew just what you wanted
When you came walkin up to me with him
So I told you that I was happy for you
And given the chance Id lie again

DIE!!!

I hate my life,i hate the world, i hate what ive become, i hate myself , i hate everything that lives and everyone that is happy. Why be happy when in the end your bound to be angry or sad? i hate this feeling inside me, i really cant take it anymore, i try my best to have other good distractions but no matter what it always comes down to this.This f**ked up feeling. Im so angry and sad at the same time, i need to take out my anger on something.Its time to get a punching bag, i realised that punching stuff like walls and doors will cause you to hurt your hand and cause it to have scars. AARGHHHH!!! No education, No money, No love, No life. Thats me No Life. Everyone seems to be so f**king happy but thats all lies. I do so much good, over the years ive done so much good for people and for what? what did i get in return nothing. Ive always done stuff with no expectations, but getting nothing in return is f**king stupid. Everything good that has been given to me has been taken away before i can enjoy it..why give it to me then? Its always the nice people that get treated like shit and gets nothing whereas all the bad ones gain everything and get everything that they want. Its simple being nice gets you nowhere. Ive learn to realise that. So dont blame me if im not nice and i start to act like an asshole. This because ive come to realise that the asshole are the one who gets everything. Its time i be one of those Assholes

You Know Who You Are...

Havent talked to you for quite some time now, wondering whats been going on in your life. You seem to be very happy with your life and with whatever happenings that there has been in your life. Good for you. Miss hanging out and just chatting like before, guess your busy with what you do, barely see you or hear from you. Have not forgotten about you dont worry :) You seem to be living a good life now, something you deserve. Stay happy and keep smiling like you always do. Hopefully will hear from you soon. Continue enjoying your life. ;)

Money!!!

Money, is something that lets people have great happiness and something that allows people to have alot of grief. I say this because with money you can have everything you've ever wanted and so much more. You can have all that you wanted, fancy clothes, big house, nice cars, lots of friends, eat lavishly, live luxuroiusly, and do so much more. Many people say that with money u cant buy happiness, well i think that is wrong.With money you can buy happiness this because, with money you can get anything you want to make you happy. Money is the way to peoples heart.Sad but true. You can love someone with all your heart and soul but end of the day if that person doesn't have enough money it wont last. Thats the sad fact. About 70% of the population in the world are materialistic. The 30% that arent are those in the 3rd world countries who know the true meanings of like and love and family. Maybe people need to live in a place where they've got nothing to appreciate what they have now. Till then i will leave by making it short and simple. My main goal now is to make money. So dont blame me if i dont want to spend on stuff that isnt a necessity. I'm willing to earn the hard cash to make my future a lavish one.

Just Another Lonely Sunday

Sunday's use to be of so much joy and fun for me, nowdays its a total diffrent story. My sundays are usually boring and rather lonely. I spent the nearly the whole sunday in my room doing nothing.Wake up walk around the house seeing as there's nothing to do, ill go back into my room and lay around till i eventually get bored. Mind you there isnt any tv or computer in my room.The radio isnt working either. So all i do is lie down and day dream. Its time i changed my room concept. Waiting to clear stuff out, get rid of the bed and shelfs and cupboards and make it more cozy for me. Bring a small tv and dvd player and lots more stuff.This way ill enjoy staying in my room more often. I use to go for breakfeast and soccer and alot more stuff on sunday. Nowdays kind of hard, not that many people i know who have the same intrest as me. Will be on the look out for those with the same intrest. Have monday - wednesday off not really sure what ill do though. Will see when it comes.

January

January is finally over. Actually it was quite fast how it passed by. Lets take a look back at how the month went.

The 1st day of the year didnt really start on a good note for me, things werent how i expected, like i say always expect the unexpected and unexpect the expected. From there things were as per normal, my daily life was just normal monotonous and routine, nothing exciting. Late January had to go for a storeman course which wasnt that bad, got to met new people who were quite fun although i dont keep contact with them i enjoyed myself. Some chanegd that i have yet to adjust to but oh well ill adjust to them soon. Change always happens its how u welcome it. For me i would say overall January was an average month nothing new and nothing exciting, monotonous and kind of boring at times

Once again to all the January Babies, Happy Birthday. Hope u guys enjoyed your birthdays.
Nicole,Nabeel,Shane,Vernon and Perry - The January Babies

Love Takes Time

I had it allBut I let it slip away
Couldn't see that I treated you wrong
Now I wander around
Feeling down and cold
Trying to believe that you're gone

Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was blind
To let you go
I can't escape the pain
Inside
Love takes time
I don't wanna be here alone

Losing my mind
From this hollow in my heart
Suddenly I'm so incomplete
Lord I'm needing you now
Tell me how to stop the rain
Tears are falling down endlessly
Love takes time

Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was blind
To let you go
I can't escape the pain
Inside
Love takes time
I don't wanna be here alone


I don't wanna be here alone
You might say that it's over
You might say that you don't care
You might say you don't miss meYou don't need me
But I know that you do and I feel that you do

Fat F**K

Thats me. Im fat and i keep putting on weight, i dont know how. I barely eat i dont drink soft drinks, i dont snack or munch i dont eat that much fried food or fast food. I dont eat rice because i dislike it. Im already tired of eating the stuff that i like. I have one meal a day thats it and no snacks inbetween. Sometimes two at the most. But both aint heavy meals. Ive started exercising regularly. But with doing all this my tummy still becomes bigger. I dont understand. Maybe im doing something wrong that i have no idea. Oh well will just go back to the good old days where i dont eat that much..although its the same..ill try to eat alot less and healthier food. hopefully will losse weight within the next 1month.

Happy Birthday Perry!!

Monday 29th Jan..Perry's actual bday. The plan according to perry was to head down to st james for a quiet nite of drinks,well one thing lead to another and perry is gone...by gone i mean dead beat..he is sleeping now...haha...im in his hall now, send him to his hall had to make sure that he didnt puke all over the taxi...luckily enough, he had a plastic bag, back at the hall...he went to disturb his friends and they knew he was high, haha, oh well he puked again in the toilet while showering and after showering..he is sleeping like a baby on his bed..im just passing time till i can go back to camp...

once again from all of us

Happy Birthday Perry... We love you!!! enjoy your hangover tmr..haha..

Happiness

Happiness is something u choose in advance. It depends on how u want to see it.

Simple guidlines to Happiness

Free your heart from hate.

Free your mind from worry

Live simply

Give more

Expect less

Something i should start to try doing more.

What Kind Of Son Am I?

My mum has been wanting to buy a new pair of track shoes for quite some time now, with the situation at home i told her that ill use my army credit to buy for her because that way its free need not pay. She checked her size and told me. She kept reminding me to buy it. On thurs i was busy in camp but still that shouldnt be an excuse not to have bought the shoes. I could have bought it even though i was very busy. If it was say one of my friends who asked or even a girl who i like that had asked me to buy, i know i definetly would have got it. Sigh. Came home on saturday morning and saw the shoes there.Thats when i felt like shit, felt like why didnt i get it for her. There is no excuse because had it been somone else i mite had gotten it. Today i can say, i am a lousy son. Have been for a long time.

Family Matters

I realised over the weekend that im not as close to my family or rather not close at all. I dont talk much to any of them, at the most is just where and what im doing thats all. Kinda sad though, used to be damn close to my sister brother aunty uncle grandma mom and dad.No more joking with my dad, lying on my sis bed and talking to her,watching my mum cook,grandma feeding me her famous cooking,talking nonsese with my uncle and shopping with my aunt.

Use to do all this stuff with them...What happened? On sat when i went to church with my grandma and sis. I barely talked to them..my sis and grandma was talking so much and laughing and joking. At my aunts hse i just realised that instead of spending time with them, i was using the computer all the time.I use to go out with my brother so often doing stuff and playing and joking around, now i seldom see him.At home - what am i talking about when im at home its either im in my room sleeping, at the com, or im never at home.

Maybe its time i started spending some quality time with all these people. Always get angry with them when they tell me whats good for me and ended up quarreling. Time to try to help things get back to how they used to be.

Wasted A Saturday

I cant believe i had nothing to do and nowhere to go on a Saturday!!!I thought i was the only one who had nothing to do but it seem that alot of people couldnt make up their mind on what to do and where to go so, ended up doing nothing.

I came home from camp at about 11am.Training was alrite nothing that i couldnt take only that my back and hernia aches, back when i did the pull up and hernia after i ran. Reached home and no one was at home so i thought ill take a short nap but ended waking up only at 2.30pm. Went for novena mass and coffee with my aunty and sister, after that headed down to my aunt's place to kill time. Started making plans and asking people to go out but all were unsure, most of them didnt answer their phone..Eventually when plans were made, lots of them backed out because they had a wonderful friday and they are tired. Ended up sitting around my aunts place and eventually went out with some frens whom i didnt really want to join but joined them because ermm maybe i didnt want to feel like i wasted a saturday.

Headed down to town for some drinks..didnt drink though, entertained myself with card games, finally when the rest responded which was around 2am went over to lido to meet them, guess what.. they had no plans at all..haha...nearly all had no plans. Sat at lido macs til about3.30am after that headed home.

Still can consider the day wasted..So next time will learn from the mistake and plan in advance, so not to waste another weekend.