Remeber That?

I was sitting around doing nothing when suddenly i realised that i wrote down in my blog early this year a few of my new years resoultions which i intend to fullfill. Sadly i havent been keeping up to any of them. Hey at least i realised it. Its not that im not doing stuff to keep to them, its just that sometimes things dont click. Oh well the only 2 0r 3 i have been keeping to is Not taking so much, not judging people and earning money. Though its still not enough, at leat im trying. I guess i should start to work on the others pretty soon. Only 3 months of the year have gone, close to 4 but still is early. I know i still can do something about it. And yeah ill do something pretty damn soon. Kind of getting tired of having too much free time and my mind running crazy on me. Wanted to go to the library today to borrow a few books, but thank god i called in before leaving because all the books i wanted were out on loan. At least i managed to reserve it 1st and then they'll let me know when its ready. Been wanting to read these books for quite some time already. Just yet to get them. And now when ive got time to go and get them, They are not in. Thats always the case for everything. Oh well thats life. Nothing much we can do about it anyway rite.

Good Memory Sucks Sometime

Sometimes i hate the fact that ive got a very good memory, This doesnt help when because i remember stuff which ermm lets just say isnt so happy. Oh well will just have to try and forget it..all though have tried many times before and it doesnt seem to work. Went to doctors again today. This is for the pain in the back that ive been having, explained to him where it has been hurting and when it hurts. He advised that i should stop most of my activities and do some back strenghtening exercising like swimming and rowing. So looks like no more blading for me. I doubt ill go swimming because not really very good at it plus it will get kind of boring. I think ill take up rowing or kayaching after all i do have a cert for that. Maybe can do it on sunday mornings or satday mornings. Will be able to get a good work out aswell.

Tired

I'm so so so god damn tired that i cant do anything. I can barely move my body my head is spinning and i havent eaten anything yet. Sometimes i wonder if that you are meant to wake up and feel like shit. I'm so tired an had a very very tiring weekend but then again when i woke up just know knowing that ive got to do stuff, i wake up feeling like shit and dreaming of something that its the last thing i want to dream of.It kind of irritates you when it happens over and over and over again.People say that its good to dream, but its not good to dream about stuff that makes you shitty.Well now im awake and i cant be bothered if i dont sleep, not sleeping is better when you no need to wake up and feel like shit. Suddenly i feel so angry all over again, feel like i need to vent my anger on something. As usual once again. Lots of pimples are out. The outbreak is pretty bad and ermm putting on weight as usual. I should go back to my old routine where i can be so disciplined when it comes to eat sleep and everything. So that i can live a healthy lifestyle for some time.I'm just sick and tired of everything. Ask me if you need to know but im really sick and tired of everything and alot of things. Once again the cycle starts. Haiz

Untitled

My medical review today was ok, they didnt really tell me what i wanted to hear or give me much adivce. Just talked about the same old stuff and i repeated the same old stuff and told me to come back for a review in 2-3 weeks time. The dvds from JB have finally arrived, another batch will be coming in on tue or wed. It came at a good time. When i have trpuble walking and have to be in camp alot nowdays to finish up work, it did come at a very good time. For once the timing is near to perfect. Im on mc tdy and tmr which is a good thing, i get to stay home and rest. On sat and sun i volunteered myself to do some charity work which is a good thing, havent done something nice or good for a long time. Thought that ill do something nice for a change, even if its for people i dont know.

Sleep better nowdays, maybe its because of the painkillers and the medication ive been taking. And also the healthy life ive been living. Eating regularly, eating healthy, not keeping so many late nights and so on. Tmr will be going over to Jill's place to burn some stuff, movies music series and so on. All these are needed to pass time easier and pass time faster. Cant believe that good friday is less than 2 weeks away. This is a good thing of coz, i have yet to eat meat for 4 weeks.Body feels week at times but oh well i gave it up at least i didnt succumb to any temptation and am keeping to my word. Maybe next time i should start to abstain from other stuff aswell. This could be a test of good things to come. Though i cant wait to eat meat, i can do without it aswell. If someone asked me to be vegetarian for another month, i think ill be able to do it and will cope well. Mind you, im not like a vulture waiting to pounce on any meat i see. Im willing to wait because i realised that my willpower is stonger than i actually knew.

There's this book which i was reading at Lawlor's house one night i was there which was qutie intresting. Kind of forgot the name but thank fully Kelly remembered when i asked her. Seems like a good book, i think before i head down to Jill's house tmr, ill go drop by the library and see if i can get it. If its not there at least i made a trip to do something positive and erm maybe i could search for some other book which interest me.

JB Again.

Went JB again today. This time we did a fast one. We went over got our dvds, manage to find the korean drama serials that are good and many other good shows.Bought about 20 dvds. Im like a major pirate. After that we walked around ate. And boy did we have a damn good meal. First time after so long that im satisfied with what i eat. Had pain while walking ard there, lucky i brought my medication along. Sometimes the pain is so bad. Even my friends can like feel for me. Am in a lot of discomfort nowdays. No more soccer and all the sports activities that i love to do for a long long time. Sad though. Love the outdoors and love sports. Nw i cant do anything at all. This time round i was satisfied with what i got and my trip there. This time round we didnt get check when we came back. Maybe because Faith was sitting in front and she looked like a good girl and i took off my hat and combed my hair to look like a nerd..haha...not going back there for another month.Just cant wait to get my dvds. Then i can just stay at home and watch tv all the time.ahah

Cafe Del Mar

Have been working the past week and not doing any vigrous activites. Nothing at all. Kind of thought ill stay away from them since my hernia hurts quite badly. So after work on Friday i headed home before changing went to meet my aunt and uncle, before heading down to Cafe Del Mar. I took a cab from somerset all the way in because by the time it was already 2am. Was suppose to go there because Lawlor was celebrating his bday there and he kind of booked the jacuzzi and all. The taxi ride was quite good and took some time. But the most shocking thing was how when i got out of the taxi i couldnt stand. My hernia was too painful for me to stand. I had to sit by the side of the road for nearly 20mins before i could walk again. Kind of worried because i was sitting down before that and didnt do any like vigrous activities. Walked down to cafe del mar, not everyone was there. Some had already left. Maybe because it was like 2am in the morning. Was sitting on the sofa and kind of didnt move around so much, everyone was wondering why i didnt talk so much or wasnt in my normal kind of mood. Then when faith asked i eventually told her. And she was like "OH so you really are injured..those MC's are not for nothing.." ahaha. It wasnt at fun at cafe del mar, maybe because it was humid and kind of waited for something to happen or other plans. I think the best part of the nite was when i walked by the beach with liwen. Was hell of a lot cooler. And its good to catch up with close friends. After all she is my gossip and whiner buddy. haha. When home eventually because the pain was unbearable. Getting worst nowdays, hopefully they can find a cure soon. The pain killers are of no use. Doesnt help. I still feel the pain.Every Single Day. But i dont show it . Just take it quietly, not wanting to worry anyone.

Someone To Talk to.. Where am i heading in life?

I've had the idea that i wanted to be a chef and open a restaurant but i dont think thats what i want to do anymore. Maybe i keep telling myself that i want to do that so i kind of think that i want that to happen. Actually I dont know what i want to be in life. I dont know what i want to do, what i have in store for me in life. I havent cooked anything for a very long time. Its like i dont have the passion to cook. I mean i used to be able to cook just out of the blue make something or want to cook something, but now i dont do that anymore. And even if you asked me to cook, i doubt it will be good. I have intrest in many diffrent things just yet to figure out what i really want to do. Kind of sad and worrying, 20 years old and still dont know what you want to do with your life. Only blame myself though. If i studied harder when i was in pri and sec school i would roughly know what i want to do.

Been on MC the past few days because of my injury and sad to say i feel lonelier than in camp.I mean in camp i dont have that many frens and dont talk to people that much but at home on MC, its not much of a diff. I sleep i wake up and i use the computer. Not everyone is always available to chat or meet up for coffee. When you call a number of your friends and they all arent free, then you know that the day you wont meet anybody. Nowdays i spent lots of my time at bookstores, reading on books that intrest me, and going for quiet walkes. You know sometimes you just want to call someone and talk to and tell them whats on your mind whats bothering you and like just talk.Well, havent had like anyone to do that to. At first i called people. Diffrent people but no one answered the phone or didnt have time. Then i just stop calling. Just keep it to myself and just keep it inside of me. Ive learnt to spend time alone and be alone.Maybe too much that sometimes i dont want to be around people even if they are my frens. I do have alot of anger and other emotions inside me that i cant let out, or rather i choose not to let out. Oh well. Its nice to have someone to talk to, but if you dont its ok, learnt to cope with what you've got. Dont be surprise by my lack of communication nowdays.

More Than Anyone

You need a friend
I'll be around
Don't let this end
Before I see you again
What can I say to convince you
To change your mind of me?

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Look in my eyes, what do you see?
Not just the color
Look inside of me
Tell me all you need and I will try
I will try

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Free for you, whenever you need
We'll be free together, baby
Free together, baby

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Bad News

So i went for my medical appointment today just hoping to get everything solved and hopefully a status slip which i can produce to excuse me from physical training in camp because of the pain ive been having over the past few months. I got news that i didnt really want to hear. Was talking to the doctor and explaining to him about what has been going on, he was very friendly and paid lots of attention to my case, he was able to answer all my questions. Then the senior doctor came and told me that the pain has been caused because a nerve has been reacting wrongly after the stitch during the operation. So she said that she was going to inject something into the bone under the operation wound. While examining me just before the injection, she told me to relax and not be so tense and as usual i reacted like how i usually do. I got giddy and close to passing out but i controlled myself and felt like puking but had to control all this. After the jab the pain felt a little better, but i still felt as giddy and felt that same feeling, so i sat in the hospital for about half an hour before i could bring myself to walk home. It seems i have to go back in 2 weeks to get another jab. From then on im not sure if i have to keep on getting jabs regularly.

So at night my had some overseas guest in town, so they wanted to bring them to lau pa sat to eat. The plan was to walk down to maxwell market from my house and then take a cab dwn once we meet my aunt. I could barely make it to maxwell which is down slope and like just less than 10mins walk. I had to ask my mum and dad to stop and take a cab. Came home and now while using the computer keep getting the sharp pains. Cant walk with that much ease. Cant walk around too much will hurt. The area around the wound is swalloen aswell. Back on all the medications and pain killers again. Haiz, hope 1 day ill be able to be as fit as i was before and hopefully the pain will eventually go away.

When life comes rushing at you from out of darkness,
Who would you choose to face it with.
Will it be someone you trust
Will they be wise
And will their love for you help them to guide you to the light.
Or will they lose their way in the darkness
Will they make noble choices
Or will that person be someone untested,
Someone new.
Life comes rushing at us from out of the darkness
When it does, is there someone in your life that you can count on
Someone who will watch over you when you stumble and fall.
And in that moment,give you the strength to face your fears alone.

Try to Sleep Now

Went for bbq 21st bday party just now. Helped out with getting the fire started and helped cooked the food though i couldnt eat them. Sat around talking to friends havent seen for a long time. Was good catching up with them and seeing how their doing. Seems that most people have a plan in life. Thats good to see.Eventually came back around 2+am. Was kind of tired but as usual couldnt sleep. Walked up and down and up and down, switched the tv on and off so many times. Eventually stayed up watching soccer hoping that i would fall asleep but to no avail. Was up all the way till 6.45am. That was when i eventually got tired and lay on my bed for a while. Slept for barely an hr and was up again. I think i have to tire my body out completly 1 day. Then ill be able to completly sleep with peace. Have yet to have an undisturbed sleep for months.

Have you ever wondered what marks our timing,
If one life can really make an impact on the world
Or if the choices we make matter
Sometimes in order to move forward,you have to go back.
In this case, just a few minutes

JB

Finally after so so long i managed to get out of the country even if it was jb. Felt good just to get out of the country. Not many of us went down this time, only 4 compared to 7 the last time round. Travelling was easy just 1 cab. Didnt really manage to get that many dvds this time round, this because all the shops were raided during the chinese new year period. Still was able to buy quite abit, although i came prepared with a whole list of 30+dvds. Manage to buy dunkin' donuts home aswell. Once again we got checked at the checkpoint even though we all looked quite decent. Maybe its me. I was sitting infront thats why. They checked me like i was some kind of criminal opened my wallet and checked all the compartments and made me throw away my gum. Spent like 3mins destoying of it. Maybe its just random protocol. But then again maybe they know that we frequent the place. Anyways was good to do something diffrent and get away from here. Cant wait for my dvds to be sent over.

Nothing to Say

So i havent been really myself lately.As in havent been really the person i want to be, always quiet and revered.At times try to hard to make happy.When you do that, you actually remind yourself of how unhappy you are. Have been doing some thinking lately and been searching up alot on diffrent types of stuff. A lot of stuff interest me nowdays, just searching to see what really im intrested in. So im not going to taiwan after much asking. Im staying in this shit hole of singapore at least i can work an make some extra cash. Speaking of which, ive yet to buy myself any thing new since ive had the extra cash. Maybe next month. Army is still the same thing. Same shit diff day, doesnt get any better though. Fasting has been good, didnt succumb to any temptations and havent eaten meat and more than 1 meal for about 2 weeks now.4 more weeks to go and im done. Well nothing much really to say or talk about. Have thoughts on my mind, but always not at the computer when i want to pend them down. Lucky ive got my organiser.Going to try and sleep now. Not that tired though.

There comes a time when every life goes off course,

in this desperate moment, who will you be?

Will you let down your defrences and find solace in someone less expected

Will you reach out

Will you face your greatest fears bravely and move forward with faith

Or will you succumb to the darkness of your soul

Feburary

Feburary is over, short and not so sweet. Time passes quickly nowdays. If there's one thing that we cant get back, is time. Oh well feburary has been relatively ok. Nothing much happened that i should go crazy about. Just the same old same old. Like i said life is monotonous, every month passes by and every month is the same fucking old thing. Dont have anything exciting to be happy about. So how was february for the rest of you guys. To me its just another month passing going for peoples bdays showing up trying to make the most of it. Now march is here, another long month ahead.Cant wait to get over and done with. Overall i can say feburary was quite bad for me. Didnt really have that many happy days, plus had that many days that i didnt want around. Hopefully march will be better. To all the feburary babies, once again Happy Birthday. Hope you enjoyed yourselves.

Feburary Babies : Mark,Kenneth,Liwen,Manu,Mel(huiling) and Dino.