Someone To Talk to.. Where am i heading in life?

I've had the idea that i wanted to be a chef and open a restaurant but i dont think thats what i want to do anymore. Maybe i keep telling myself that i want to do that so i kind of think that i want that to happen. Actually I dont know what i want to be in life. I dont know what i want to do, what i have in store for me in life. I havent cooked anything for a very long time. Its like i dont have the passion to cook. I mean i used to be able to cook just out of the blue make something or want to cook something, but now i dont do that anymore. And even if you asked me to cook, i doubt it will be good. I have intrest in many diffrent things just yet to figure out what i really want to do. Kind of sad and worrying, 20 years old and still dont know what you want to do with your life. Only blame myself though. If i studied harder when i was in pri and sec school i would roughly know what i want to do.

Been on MC the past few days because of my injury and sad to say i feel lonelier than in camp.I mean in camp i dont have that many frens and dont talk to people that much but at home on MC, its not much of a diff. I sleep i wake up and i use the computer. Not everyone is always available to chat or meet up for coffee. When you call a number of your friends and they all arent free, then you know that the day you wont meet anybody. Nowdays i spent lots of my time at bookstores, reading on books that intrest me, and going for quiet walkes. You know sometimes you just want to call someone and talk to and tell them whats on your mind whats bothering you and like just talk.Well, havent had like anyone to do that to. At first i called people. Diffrent people but no one answered the phone or didnt have time. Then i just stop calling. Just keep it to myself and just keep it inside of me. Ive learnt to spend time alone and be alone.Maybe too much that sometimes i dont want to be around people even if they are my frens. I do have alot of anger and other emotions inside me that i cant let out, or rather i choose not to let out. Oh well. Its nice to have someone to talk to, but if you dont its ok, learnt to cope with what you've got. Dont be surprise by my lack of communication nowdays.