Fasting

In the church calender is the season of lent, which means that uve got to give up something for 40days if u want. Normally i dont do anything like dont give up or abstain from anything but this year i am. Its said that if u give up something for yourself so that someone else will gain its a good thing. This year im giving up meat and fasting for 40days. Which means, i wont eat meat for 40days and i wont have more than 1 meal a day for 40days. Im doing this for someone else to gain. Just willing to see wether ill be able to really keep to my vow. So far since wednesday, the start of it all ive been doing good. Just got till 6 April. I dont see it as a burden or dont mind that its kind of long. Good to test how determined i am and how long i can keep up to my word. You never know, good things mite happen for me aswell.

Sleep Disorder

Have been having irregular sleeping times, or dont sleep at all. Two days didnt sleep, just tossed and turned and tossed and turned. Tried to tire myself out by playing games or watching tv so that my eyes would be tired, but didnt work. Got off my bed and walked around the house like nearly ten times in the middle of the night. Switched on and off my television set too many times. Scrolled through all the chanels. Theres nothing nice on nowdays. So just watched my dvds over and over again.

Yest was worse, tossed and turned in bed till 6.30am. Haiz. Going to see someone about this. Oh yeah my meals have been cut down to 1 meal a day. Can barely eat more than that. Dont snack as much. Chocs and Chips and Cookies dont appeal to me anymore, so does rice or noodles. Had enough of that stuff. So yeah. Trying to slep but its 3.30 and im still awake..isnt it a wonder why.Soon this problem will be solved

Take Care. Please

Read the newpaper just now, and the headline was about a guy who went missing while wanting to learn how to dive. This is for my bestfriend(you know who you are).Please, please,please take care of yourself. Havent really heard or seen you, but the last i remember that you wanted to learn diving and that you were quite keen on in. Being very sporty and outdoor from what i know you're sure to take up courses.Dont know if you've started them though. If you did. Please take good care of yourself,make sure you have a good partner with you and make sure you learn everything properly.Double check if you need with the instructor. Be careful.Very careful.
Its a dangerous and diffrent hobbie, but fun aswell. But still.
I cant afford to lose you as a friend. Take care of yourself when your out there. Will be praying for your well being like always.

Happy Chinese New Year

It hurts when you know that there is a person out there who silently cares for you. I mean it in a good way.Haiz chinese new year this year has been down rite boring for me.Boring and lonely. 5days holiday but ive got at least 9. On somedays it was really very boring. Same monotonous life over. Struggle to sleep wake up laze ard struggle to sleep wake up laze ard. I havent been out to like the town area or anywhere in the day. Havent seen or walked down the shops or bought any new clothes. Don't enjoy going out as much, would rather stay at home and sleep or watch dvds, or korean drama serials or other nice series shows. Been spending lots of time in my room lately. Reading.writing, sleeping of course. Keep thinking of redoing my whole room. Maybe in march. Once everyone leaves for taiwan(i want to go to, asked them to bring me along but they havent told me yet) need to get out of this shit hole of a country. There isnt anything to do.Drinking,Clubbing,Movies,Slacking. Im bored of that. All of it. Told my frens that as long as their clubbing dont call me. Im out.Waste of time and money. Ive got a plan, and i know what i'm going to do. No one knows except me. Just that with all the problems kind of hard to succeed. There's kind of alot of stuff that im just putting on hold to do. Waiting for the right time. Soon,hopefully i can get everything done. Its a good distractuion though. Rather than always feeling the same thing day in day out. Been months and still screwed up as usual.

Painful

Woke up today kind of in a good mood, thought i could finally go rollerblading after so long, plus its the holidays and have a long weekend but couldnt go in the end.Couldnt go because i could barely get out of bed, couldnt even stand. My hernia was hurting to a point that when i stand i had to immediately sit. So that was canceled. And i doubt im going tmr also.Had to lie in bed for nearly an hour before i could actually walk with less pain in me. Didnt tell anyone at home about it, because didnt really want them to worry so much knowing they will panic. Eventually was better but had to take 3 diffrent kind of pain killers, which still didnt stop the pain completly. Sometimes i wonder, what was it i did that i have to be in so much pain, I didnt or rather havent been doing anything wrong the past few days. Havent seen that much of the friends, dont say much to them, so how can i wrong do anybody. Or is it like a plan that im suppose to suffer now and then the later years of my life ill be having a good one. Well lets just see how things work out. Just looks like ill be having to take those pills all over again. Ill know if i forget to take them, the pain will be unbearable. And me being a hero and all wont show it, but will just take it.

Break, Breakdown

Had a bad emotional nite yest. Came home and watched some shows online after that while lying on my bed it hit me bad. Was just lying there suddenly everything came rushing at a go. It was about 3.30am in the morning and this was so called one of the worst nites ive had for the past few months. You know the feeling when you have to let go of something or leave something, this was worst. Very Very painful. Dont ask me why it was yest i dont know as well, but it was very very painful. I needed to just talk to someone or needed a listening ear, but for the first time, when i i picked up my phone i had no one to call. No one that i was sure will pick up the phone and keep me company for that short while or to give me some advice that i need. Eventually i just lay in bed and handled it by myself tossing and turning till i eventually fell asleep at around 6am. Woke up today with puffy eyes and kind of red. Lucky nobody noticed. Chest kind of hurting after last nite, couldnt really breath that well kept coughing non stop. The eyes are actually hurting more, cant stop rubbing. Thankfully last nite was over. I hope it doesnt happen again. It hasn't happened for a long time and its kind of akward that it happened again yest. I hope today will be a better day

Untitled

Its funny, i can go through the whole day thoughtless. Not a single thought on my mind. When i try to think of something, it always leads back to that 1 thing. I dont know how it is that i can wake up day after day with the same feeling in me. The same feeling that you dont want to feel but yet you cant help yourself from feeling it. Try as i might to get the feeling out of me, its hard but not impossible. Just takes longer than usual.

I wake up at home and barely talk. My conversations are always "Ah" "Erm" "Ok". Its not that i dont want to talk. Im trying my best to talk about something, but ive got nothing. Me of all people have barely nothing to speak to people about nowdays. I would rather stay home and watch tv or sleep than go out and stay out the late nights. Its happened for the past two weekends, trying to make it a regular thing. This way i get to save $$$ and live a healthy lifestyle. Can leave the mornings for my exersice or my walks or going to that happy place to read my book.

Life will be alot more simpler that way, not many complications, nothing much to worry about or rather to take your mind of what your worrying about. Everyone has problems. Its just how they face it.

There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads.
Afraid.Confused.Without a roadmap.
The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days.
Of course when face with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn back.
But once in a while people push on to something better.
Something beoynd the pain of goin it alone.
And just beyond the bravery and courage that it takes to let someone in.
Or to give someone a second chance.
Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream.
Because its only when your tested that you truly discover who you are.
And its only when your tested that you discover who you can be.
The person you want to be does exist.
Somewhere on the other side of hardwork,faith,belief.
From beoynd heartache and fear what lies ahead.

I Hate Valentines Day

Valentines Day, 14th Feb the day supposedly for everyone in the wold or the entire planet to celebrate love.Love? whats is love? is there such thing as true love? The answer there isnt. For if there is someone who can come up to me and show me that they have found true love.And explain to me what it is then ill start believing again. Until then i think im right when i say there isnt true love

I for one, hate valentines day. In my whole 20years of being alive, only once have i had someone with me on this day.Thankfully enough that one time i did all i could at that time on the so called "special day". I say thankfully because you never know when you will get to do it again. I always dread this day because you can always see how happy all other couples are and how they go out of the way to show their love for each other.That just reminds you of the something that you dont have. So no point going out and noticing all this stuff that makes you feel worse. I was always envious of everyone who got to celebrate valentines day. And i still am. Whats the use of going out with someone just for the sake of going out when you dont have feelings or dont even like the person.

I hate valentines day beacause people only do extremly nice stuff for their other halfs on this day and not on other days. They should instead do nice stuffs everytime they feel like every once in a while. Then again people are also to stupid to appreciate what they have. Thank god Valentines day is only one day...not like valentines week or something.

To all you people going out on this day i wish you all a Happy Valentines Day. Dont do the same for me because for me it isnt a happy day. Ive grown to hate this day. Had it once and then i dont have it again.

"To have it half way, is worse than not having at all."

People

wiPeople always leave?They leave for studies, they leave for long holidays, they leave the planet, they migrate to other countries, they leave you completley. Im tired of people leaving. For where and what reason i dont care, people always leave and it sucks. Thats why its good to get close to people whom you know wont leave. Whats the use of getting close to someone who will leave you eventually, then you've got the feeling of emptiness in you or longing for that someone.

People always leave, but sometimes they comeback. I use to believe that but now i believe in People always leave, and they never comeback.


There are six billion souls in the world today,
some are running scared
sme are coming home
some tell lies to make it thorugh the day
others are just now facing the truth
some are evil men at war with good
some are good struglling with evil
six billion souls in the world,
sometimes all you need is one.

Sunday Blues

Stayed at home the whole day, woke up only at 4+ in the afternoon and walked around the house, then went to use the com for a while and went back to sleep again. Woke up again watched tv and went back to sleep again. Woke up ate dinner and sleep again.Im actually quite tired now but im forcing myself to stay awake. I actually feel kind of good sleeping the weekend away. Seeing as ive nothing much to do, id rather sleep in and dont spend any cash then go out and waste $$ spending it on the unnecessary stuff. Its a good thing i can sleep alot nowdays, althought i feel that when i sleep im wasting my life away.But then again there isnt anything on tv, there isnt anywhere to go and not that many people to talk to so yeah. Id rather sleep. Why sit around and wait for plans to be made when in the end there can be no plans at all?Just do as you please and if there's plans then choose to go ahead. Life is about making choices. We always tend to make the wrong choice.

Stay Home Saturday

This week at least 3 people told me to go and lose some weight, indirectly telling me that im fat. Havent gone rollerblading for a while or rather for a long time, this because had to be in camp the past few satdays, although this week i wasnt in camp, i should start rollerblading once again. Brings me a sense of peace and quiet and actually helps me clear my mind.

Once again the weekends are like before, getting dull and boring and nowhere to go. Sitting around waiting for plans till you realise there arent any. I need to find someone on the same wavelength as me. I felt like going to the beach in the afternoon and sitting under the sun and having a cool margarita seeing as the wether was hot yet windy, but i dropped the idea knowing that no one will be up for it. I just need 1 person thats all. Asked around for people who wants to go to jb, all said yes yes but in the end nobody again wants to go. I came up with ideas like going rockclimbing, hiking, fishing, kayacking, paintball, mountain biking and so much more. But no go for most of them. Looks like i like a whole bunch of diffrent stuff from them. Like i said i need to find people on the same wavelength as me, or rather people who enjoy doing these stuff. Use to have some of them who liked doing these stuff but now all of them arent free. Going to look out and ask around maybe ill get to meet new people who likes what i like. To the rest enjoy your saturday, as usual mine is wasted again. Come out of camp and expect to do stuff but once again end up doing nothing. Life is unfair.

Pimples & Sleepless Nites

Its back, both of them. Im having lots of pimples all over my face especially my forehead. The outbreak is bad. I know why im getting them but then again i dont know how to get rid of them. Sleepless Nites once again. Hai i thought this was over. Started all over again with me tossing and turning in bed till 3-4am by the time i actually sleep its for less than 2 hours and then ive got to get up. Have to resort to taking the medication that makes me drowsy so that i can go to sleep. To all you people who can sleep like there is no tmr, I hate you guys. Appetite has gone down as well, thats a good thing seeing as im quite fat.Hopefully ill be able to lose weight this month, skip the breakfeast and lunch as usual and juz have abit of dinner. And on weekends no supper. But its hard to not go for supper when you cant sleep at night. Going to see how long this sleepless nites go on before i go and see a doctor about it. Its about time i rectify the problem and see whats wrong with me. Till then for all of you who cant sleep i know how you feel..Too bad maybe you should go through half of what im going through. I have no sympathy for you because if i have to suffer so do you.

Just To See You Smile

You always had an eye for things that glittered
But I was far from bein made of gold
I dont know how that I scraped up the money
I just never could quite tell you no
Just like when you were leavin amarillo
To take that new job in tennessee
And I quit mine so we could be together
I cant forget the way you looked at me

Just to see you smile
Id do anything
That you wanted me to
And all is said and done
Id never count the cost
Its worth all thats lost
Just to see you smile

When you said time was all you really needed
I walked away and let you have your space
Cuz leavin didnt hurt me near as badly
As the tears I saw rollin down your face
And yesterday I knew just what you wanted
When you came walkin up to me with him
So I told you that I was happy for you
And given the chance Id lie again

DIE!!!

I hate my life,i hate the world, i hate what ive become, i hate myself , i hate everything that lives and everyone that is happy. Why be happy when in the end your bound to be angry or sad? i hate this feeling inside me, i really cant take it anymore, i try my best to have other good distractions but no matter what it always comes down to this.This f**ked up feeling. Im so angry and sad at the same time, i need to take out my anger on something.Its time to get a punching bag, i realised that punching stuff like walls and doors will cause you to hurt your hand and cause it to have scars. AARGHHHH!!! No education, No money, No love, No life. Thats me No Life. Everyone seems to be so f**king happy but thats all lies. I do so much good, over the years ive done so much good for people and for what? what did i get in return nothing. Ive always done stuff with no expectations, but getting nothing in return is f**king stupid. Everything good that has been given to me has been taken away before i can enjoy it..why give it to me then? Its always the nice people that get treated like shit and gets nothing whereas all the bad ones gain everything and get everything that they want. Its simple being nice gets you nowhere. Ive learn to realise that. So dont blame me if im not nice and i start to act like an asshole. This because ive come to realise that the asshole are the one who gets everything. Its time i be one of those Assholes

You Know Who You Are...

Havent talked to you for quite some time now, wondering whats been going on in your life. You seem to be very happy with your life and with whatever happenings that there has been in your life. Good for you. Miss hanging out and just chatting like before, guess your busy with what you do, barely see you or hear from you. Have not forgotten about you dont worry :) You seem to be living a good life now, something you deserve. Stay happy and keep smiling like you always do. Hopefully will hear from you soon. Continue enjoying your life. ;)

Money!!!

Money, is something that lets people have great happiness and something that allows people to have alot of grief. I say this because with money you can have everything you've ever wanted and so much more. You can have all that you wanted, fancy clothes, big house, nice cars, lots of friends, eat lavishly, live luxuroiusly, and do so much more. Many people say that with money u cant buy happiness, well i think that is wrong.With money you can buy happiness this because, with money you can get anything you want to make you happy. Money is the way to peoples heart.Sad but true. You can love someone with all your heart and soul but end of the day if that person doesn't have enough money it wont last. Thats the sad fact. About 70% of the population in the world are materialistic. The 30% that arent are those in the 3rd world countries who know the true meanings of like and love and family. Maybe people need to live in a place where they've got nothing to appreciate what they have now. Till then i will leave by making it short and simple. My main goal now is to make money. So dont blame me if i dont want to spend on stuff that isnt a necessity. I'm willing to earn the hard cash to make my future a lavish one.

Just Another Lonely Sunday

Sunday's use to be of so much joy and fun for me, nowdays its a total diffrent story. My sundays are usually boring and rather lonely. I spent the nearly the whole sunday in my room doing nothing.Wake up walk around the house seeing as there's nothing to do, ill go back into my room and lay around till i eventually get bored. Mind you there isnt any tv or computer in my room.The radio isnt working either. So all i do is lie down and day dream. Its time i changed my room concept. Waiting to clear stuff out, get rid of the bed and shelfs and cupboards and make it more cozy for me. Bring a small tv and dvd player and lots more stuff.This way ill enjoy staying in my room more often. I use to go for breakfeast and soccer and alot more stuff on sunday. Nowdays kind of hard, not that many people i know who have the same intrest as me. Will be on the look out for those with the same intrest. Have monday - wednesday off not really sure what ill do though. Will see when it comes.

January

January is finally over. Actually it was quite fast how it passed by. Lets take a look back at how the month went.

The 1st day of the year didnt really start on a good note for me, things werent how i expected, like i say always expect the unexpected and unexpect the expected. From there things were as per normal, my daily life was just normal monotonous and routine, nothing exciting. Late January had to go for a storeman course which wasnt that bad, got to met new people who were quite fun although i dont keep contact with them i enjoyed myself. Some chanegd that i have yet to adjust to but oh well ill adjust to them soon. Change always happens its how u welcome it. For me i would say overall January was an average month nothing new and nothing exciting, monotonous and kind of boring at times

Once again to all the January Babies, Happy Birthday. Hope u guys enjoyed your birthdays.
Nicole,Nabeel,Shane,Vernon and Perry - The January Babies

Love Takes Time

I had it allBut I let it slip away
Couldn't see that I treated you wrong
Now I wander around
Feeling down and cold
Trying to believe that you're gone

Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was blind
To let you go
I can't escape the pain
Inside
Love takes time
I don't wanna be here alone

Losing my mind
From this hollow in my heart
Suddenly I'm so incomplete
Lord I'm needing you now
Tell me how to stop the rain
Tears are falling down endlessly
Love takes time

Love takes time
To heal when you're hurting so much
Couldn't see that I was blind
To let you go
I can't escape the pain
Inside
Love takes time
I don't wanna be here alone


I don't wanna be here alone
You might say that it's over
You might say that you don't care
You might say you don't miss meYou don't need me
But I know that you do and I feel that you do

Fat F**K

Thats me. Im fat and i keep putting on weight, i dont know how. I barely eat i dont drink soft drinks, i dont snack or munch i dont eat that much fried food or fast food. I dont eat rice because i dislike it. Im already tired of eating the stuff that i like. I have one meal a day thats it and no snacks inbetween. Sometimes two at the most. But both aint heavy meals. Ive started exercising regularly. But with doing all this my tummy still becomes bigger. I dont understand. Maybe im doing something wrong that i have no idea. Oh well will just go back to the good old days where i dont eat that much..although its the same..ill try to eat alot less and healthier food. hopefully will losse weight within the next 1month.